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2 R Loch Lomond At breakfast the next morning, the weather was overcast and quite cold, and the remnants of a light snow were on my car’s roof (actually called “roof” in Scottish English). My host offered more eggs, sausage, tomatoes, and tea, and I learned that her mother had been a Druid. Well, after learning about Wallace and Bruce, I’m just relieved she wasn’t English. I was off to Inveraray, where I planned to pick up the trail of Boswell and Johnson for the first time. But there were a few sights to attend to before I got there, starting with Doune Castle, a mere fifteen minutes or so north of Stirling. Before arriving at Doune, however, I got another lesson in driving through Scotland. I was on a narrow road, sufficiently wide for one and a half cars, when, entering a curve, I spotted a sign that cautioned me about a bridge and oncoming traffic. As I rounded the curve, I realized that the road narrowed to one lane, and there were two cars on a bridge headed straight toward me, one after the other. On an instinct of survival I swerved onto a dirt road on the left just as the other cars whipped by me. I stopped, caught my breath, and wondered what the heck had just happened. That road sign apparently was telling me something I didn’t quite get. I backed out to the road very carefully, saw nothing coming, and continued on my way across the bridge. I knew I had absorbed a very important driving lesson that would pay dividends throughout my trip; unfortunately, I had no clue what it might have been. I still don’t. But I started paying a lot more attention to road signs. Doune Castle sits on a high, easily defended promontory at the River Teith. The Roman governor Agricola’s legionnaires put up a wooden fort near the current site in the first century a.d., on land now used by the local 23 24 Whisky, Kilts, and the Loch Ness Monster cricket club. The castle’s construction began in the fourteenth century when it was envisioned as a dream home by a would-be king, Robert Stewart, duke of Albany, also known (I’m not kidding about this) as a “big spender.” Alas, Albany died in 1420 before the castle was completed; his successors didn’t keep their heads on—literally—long enough to enjoy it much either. Situated so close to Stirling Castle, it eventually lost its role as a fortress and became a really nice hunting lodge for royals and their families. It fell into disrepair centuries ago and lost its roof. The walls are imposing still, however , and inside there is some restoration in progress. The castle has been the scene of some bloodshed over the centuries, nothing more outrageous than what occurred in 1974 when Sir Launcelot conducted a wholesale slaughter of men, women, babies, and nuns in the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail within these walls. That film is the reason Doune is popular today. Everyone wants to see the parapets over which cows, fowl, and a large wooden badger were hurled in French defiance of King Arthur and his invading Knights of the Round Table. In the film the castle was variously identified as Camelot and Castle Anthrax, but never simply as Doune. It was well worth my stop in spite of very cold, blustery weather and occasional showers. Once again, given the off-season and the inclement weather, I found myself the only visitor, walking freely around the castle, up and down the chilly, medieval stone steps. The attendant preferred to stay intimate with a portable heater in her small office at the castle entranceway . When I spoke to her I couldn’t help but notice that in addition to the guidebooks for sale there were bottles of “Holy Grail Ale” and some single malts. I was disappointed that John Cleese and Eric Idle didn’t step out and smile at me. Loch Lomond, a relatively short distance to the west, blocked my path to Inveraray, and I couldn’t resist a stop at the largest stretch of fresh water in all of Great Britain. So close as to be practically a suburb of Glasgow, the loch is famous for its “bonnie, bonnie banks.” In the driving rain (I’m driving , it’s raining), however, it was dif...

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