Thomas Hauser on Sports: Remembering the Journey

“Hello, Kid”: A Conversation with Babe Ruth

For many baseball fans, Babe Ruth is still the overriding mythic personality in sports. “Hello, Kid”: A Conversation with Babe Ruth Babe Ruth: Hello, kid.What can I do for you? Q:Well,sir;I’m writing an article,and I wondered if I could ask you a few questions. Babe Ruth: Fire away. Q:Thank you, sir.The first question I have is, do you play baseball up in heaven? Babe Ruth: Do we play baseball? Kid, this is heaven. Of course we play baseball. Q: Is it organized, like a league? Babe Ruth: It is a league. In fact, there’s two leagues with eight teams each.That’s sixteen teams altogether.We only play day games and there are doubleheaders on Sunday.The ballparks are the way they used to be; no Astroturf or any of that stuff.And in Celestial baseball, the pennant races mean something.There’s no divisional playoff or league championship series. If your team finishes in first place, you go to the World Series. Q:Are the teams like the ones on Earth? Babe Ruth: Like the ones on Earth used to be.We’ve got the NewYork Yankees, the Brooklyn Dodgers,Washington Senators, all the way down the line, with a special draft for players from the old Negro League. THOMAS HAUSER ON SPORTS 9 Q:Which team do you play for? Babe Ruth:TheYankees, of course. Q:Who are the best players in Celestial baseball? Babe Ruth:Well, kid. Not to be immodest or anything; but there’s me and then there’s everyone else. Q:What aboutTy Cobb? Babe Ruth: Cobb didn’t make it. He’s playing in an outlaw league down south. Q:Who are the toughest pitchers for you to hit? Babe Ruth:Walter Johnson and Satchel Paige. But to be honest with you, up here, everyone is tough.To play in this league, you’ve got to be good. Last year, we played the NewYork Giants in theWorld Series. How’d you like to go up against a rotation that includes Christy Mathewson, Joe McGinnity, Rube Marquard, and Carl Hubbell.We had a rookie come up to the league this season; a kid named Drysdale. In spring training, I figured I’d intimidate him.You know; do my 1932 World Series call-myshot -by-waving-to-the-bleachers thing. Sonofabitch stuck a fastball in my ear. Q:Are you leading the league in home runs? A: Hell, yes. 1949 was my first full season up here, and I’ve averaged 51 homers a year since then. So far, I’ve hit 2,625 home runs against Celestial-quality pitching. Let Henry Aaron top that. Q: How good are theYankees? A:Our manager is Joe McCarthy.We got Lou Gehrig at first;Tony Lazzeri at second; Bill Dickey behind the plate; Red Ruffing and Lefty Gomez 10 THOMAS HAUSER on the mound.The outfield is Mickey Mantle in left, Joe DiMaggio in center, and yours truly in right. Does that answer your question? Q: In other words, it’s “DamnYankees” all over again. Babe Ruth: Right you are, kid. By the way, DiMaggio is a good ballplayer, but he’s a pain in the ass. He got here last year.And right away, the first game he played in, he wanted to be introduced as “the greatest living ballplayer.” We explained to him, “Joe, up here, you’re just a rookie.And besides, if you want to get technical about it, you’re dead.” Finally, we got that settled, and then Joe found out that Marilyn Monroe was living with Rogers Hornsby. Boy, was he pissed. Q:What about the other teams? Babe Ruth:They’re all good. Used to be that folks would laugh when they went into Pittsburgh. Now you go to Forbes Field, and they’ve got HonusWagner, PieTraynor, PaulWaner, Roberto Clemente, and a bunch of guys like Josh Gibson, Jimmie Crutchfield, and Double-Duty Radcliffe who played for the Pittsburgh Crawfords in the old Negro League. Q: Do you follow Major League Baseball today? Babe Ruth: Oh, yeah. We get all the stations. Bob Costas and Tim McCarver are my favorite living announcers. But to be honest with you, I’m partial to the old-timers. Mel Allen and Red Barber do play-by-play for theYankees here in heaven.There’s nothing I enjoy more than...