Camp Nine: A Novel

Chapter 16

Chapter 16 When Tom arrived, I was sleeping fitfully on a bed of blankets and pillows the nurses had made for me on the wood floor. I smelled his aftershave in my sleep before I was aware of where I was and that he was there, speaking to Mother in a deep, rolling voice. It was her crying that woke me. He towered next to her, clutching her arms as she sobbed into the fold of his shoulder. I knew that if I moved, they would pretend that nothing was happening, so I lay still with my eyes half open. The gold band on his finger glinted in the dark. I traced it as his hand moved along her back. Her voice was muffled by the starched cotton and his dense muscle. She reminded him he’d promised to stay away, and asked him what he’d told Maxine. “Nothing,” he said. “I just came.” Her hair had fallen from its carefully constructed style from earlier in the night. He brushed some locks from the side of her face and kissed her neck. I closed my eyes, knowing I wasn’t supposed to see it. “Fifteen years ago, I walked away,” he said. “I should never have made that mistake. I’m not going to do it again.” Mother pulled herself from him and shook her head. “No, Tom. I meant what I said. It’s over.” 171 “What we said before, Carrie, it’s wrong. We can’t pretend this isn’t right.” She took a deep breath, then deflated. “We both have other people to think about.” She glanced at the spot where I lay, and I prayed that she didn’t see my eyelashes move. “Where would we possibly fit in your life?” she said. “Of all the men in the world, Tom, you’re the least free. It’s not just Maxine and the girls. You’re married to the army.” She pulled from his grasp. His jaw relaxed. He stood, silent, before sidling closer. “I’ll leave the army. I can do something else. Anything you want. We can go away. We can go back to San Francisco if that’s what you want.” She banded her arms together tightly. “No, Tom.” “Carrie, please,” he said, touching her. “I’ll make any sacrifices you want. Anything.” She looked to where I lay on the floor. “The sacrifices aren’t ours to make.” Please, no, I thought. It was not a sacrifice. It was a gift. Please, don’t let him go. Please, don’t do it. I felt that my heart wouldn’t beat again until I knew. A profound pause hung, filling a gulf between them that grew wider the longer it was there. Finally, he sighed heavily, and I knew the decision was made forever. ——— They thought it was Mother’s tugging on my arm that had awakened me, but I’d listened as the future withered before me. I let them mistake my sadness for sleepiness as we quietly filed from the room and into the thick, wet night air. We left the Buick in the parking lot of the infirmary. Tom said that Mother was too tired to drive, and that he’d have someone deliver it to our house after the sun came up. I climbed into the backseat of a green Ford sedan emblazoned with a white star and slumped against 172 — Vivienne Schiffer the cushions. Mother slid in beside me, and Tom took the front seat next to his driver, an MP. The MP started the Ford and shifted the gears, easing it onto the main road and up to the railroad crossing in the dark. The headlights jumped and scattered light in all directions as we bumped over the rails and onto Highway 1. I was tired, but I was sure I wouldn’t sleep any more that night. My world had lost its bearings. I knew I didn’t have any right to wish that Tom would stay and never leave, but I didn’t care about what was right, even if he did have a wife named Maxine and three little children. I wanted David Matsui to stay there forever, but I knew he didn’t even want to be there, and he’d probably already left for Detroit, taking Audrey with him. True love finds a way, I thought, even if some...