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6 When Gars Attack IT’S CURIOUS THAT the January 22, 1922, garticle “Alligator Gar More Dangeroous [sic] Than So-Called ‘Man Eater’ Shark,” does not have a writer attached to it, but it would be pushing it to suggest that this is because the author was trying to protect himself from publicizing folly. Like most of the articles in the New Orleans’s Times-Picayune at that time, there were no bylines; meaning it was probably written by a staff writer. But whatever the case may be, this article did little to advance anyone ’s knowledge of gar. In fact, it did the exact opposite by sensationalizing the entire species through subheads reading “Many Authentic Instances of Human Beings Being Attacked Especially While Standing in Water” and “Only One Case of Man Being Attacked by Shark.” The result was a plethora of piscine plume-pushers referencing this work of “journalism” for more than eighty-five years. Whereas some fish writers have been skeptical of this article, the brunt of ichthyologic ink leans toward a certain historical respect for what it has to say. Which, in part, is this: “There is an instance recorded of the killing of a human being by a ‘man-eater’ shark something over ninety years ago, but unfortunately it is not possible to say whether this occurrence was thoroughly investigated or not.” Of course, it is also not possible to say whether the information in this anonymous article was “thoroughly investigated or not,” but that doesn’t matter to our unknown author, who went on to stress that there is no evidence of an alligator, crocodile, or bear ever attacking a human, but (and this is basically his implication) there are roving gangs of alligator gar out there eager to bust down your door and go postal on your family! That’s my own embellishment of how the article operates, because that’s what it tries to do: paint gator gar as more ferocious than other creatures known for ripping into humans. And it does a pretty good job of that. 53 This article, however, is full of typos and other mistakes that do not bolster its authority, and destabilize its credibility. For instance, our enigmatic author states that there are three types of gar in Louisiana, when even back then it was common knowledge that there were four kinds in the state. Also, it says that the Louisiana Department of Conservation knows the habits of gar “fairly well”—a statement it later contradicts in the section titled “LITTLE KNOWN OF ‘GATOR GAR.’“ Then we’re offered this little gem, with no segue whatsoever: “If you should happen to emerge from a bath in one of the bays or streams on the coast of the Gulf of Mexico next summer with an arm or a leg missing or so badly mangled that you have no further use for it, do not bring the customary indictment against the shark or the alligator, both of whom can prove a satisfactory “alibi,” but present the alligator gar to the grand jury, and you will have little trouble in obtaining the return of a true bill or in convicting him on expert testimony.” Fear tactics are then employed in lines like “There are instances too numerous to be recounted to show that he will attack human beings” and “EVERY ONE KILLED IS HELP.” But where’s the proof? This isn’t journalism. This is anti-gar propaganda ! Nevertheless, a case is made regarding gar attacks on human beings, with the first charge coming from “David Starr Jordan, an authority of worldwide fame,” who mentioned a gar killing an Italian barber bathing “off Spanish Fort a few years ago.” This is no doubt the incident referred to by Edward Ricciuti in Killers of the Seas, who made the mistake of claiming that these details came from a letter. This suspect second-hand info (which is probably actually third- or fourth-hand), is supported by hearsay from an unnamed “conservation official,” who was “one of the most experienced hunters and fishermen in the state.” The story of Maj. William Arms, a “crack rifle shot of the Washington Artillery,” is then relayed. Seems he was cleaning squirrels on Bayou La Branche when he “unconsciously dropped his hand in the water,” attracting a gar “about nine feet long.” Allegedly, it chomped on and dragged the major into the water. His pal, however, sprang into action with an axe, and the major’s hand...

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