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The Greater Joy
- University of Iowa Press
- Chapter
- Additional Information
The GreaterJoy ... For the first time since my miraculous vision at thirteen, my life seemed to be making sense, the pieces were finally falling together, and I was at last able to justify every act, every move that I made. I knew Christ had intended me for service, but at the time I was first receiving his Message I had no idea how this was to be accomplished or in what form-1 only felt a vague longing for a life of utter surrender, relinquishment of attachment ' possessions, enjoyment of the senses-without being able to formulate the direction or goal I wished to follow. That night. I looked to Guru's picture, called seven times upon the Supreme, and wept. I knew that he heard me: a few moments later, when I stood before my bedroom mirror to put my hair back before I went to sleep, the soul of Alo-Devi, the Divine Mother of Guru's flock of followers, entered the mirror and began speaking to me with her own voice, mannerisms, and expressions, through my reflected image. "Do not be afraid, dearest Nola. You have chosen the right Path, in accordance with his Will. We will lead you to]oy, Light. and the highest Bliss. You will be one of us; you will walk with us in the company of the Supreme'" I jumped; the words that poured out of my reflection in the mirror were exactly the words that had emerged from Guru's picture; the voices had said: "You will be one of us. You will walk with us." I saw Alo's deep brown eyes glittering out of my own; her sublime voice turning my mouth in a smile. After her first words I could scarcely tell the color of her eyes, which blazed with such rapturous intensity that all colors, all the whims and forms of terrestrial change vanished into them as if reabsorbed in the Higher radiance of their source. I could hardly tolerate it for a few moments; it almost threatened to knock me down with the outrageous happiness it bestowed. "I adore you, Alo-Devi," I said 295 I [54.243.2.41] Project MUSE (2024-03-29 01:13 GMT) Nola 297 aloud to the mirror. "Your beauty murders my senses. How much love can a human tolerate, Mother?" I said goodnight and withdrew , inexpressibly happy, from the mirror. The following morning I was again ravaged by all kinds of doubts. I was tormented by the urge to run to India, to cast off everything I owned and live in the streets, sleep in the gutter or in the open air by the Ganges. "It is a hard request you have made of me, Lord," I cried, looking toward the ceiling. "I have a terrible passion for the East, and I don't know how it can be squelched." I chanted Supreme again seven times and looked at Guru's picture. "Please resolve me in this" I pleaded to his face. "My mind is still in confusion." After gazing at him for some moments I put the picture down. Immediately afterwards I had a resurgence of the feeling that had overwhelmed me as a child, after my monumental dream. I knew, finally and decisively, that the GreaterJoy lay in surrender, real surrender, the kind that requires neither place nor habitat nor external stimulus to give off its exuberance of light, The Light of the Inner World, the imperishable Truth which needs no earthly transportation to exotic retreats, for it holds that retreat abundantly within Itself. I no longer had to pursue Love and Light. I had discovered with Christ that they were within me and had only to let Love do its own work in my impassioned soul. For the first time I knew the significance of Charles Williams' words in his novel. The Greater Trumps: "That man has the right and the power to possess all things, with the sole provision that he is himself possessed." My living mind was at peace. I knew what to write to Guru, whom I recognized as the Embodiment of God. I have just committed my life to the spreading of His Kingdom. ...