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Family of Avatars
- University of Iowa Press
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Family ofAvatars He said to me, "My son, the intention is not to grasp any finite formeven the highest. Rather, this is the path to the names: Their intrinsic value is proportional to their degree ofincomprehensibility. The less comprehensible, the higher. Eventually, you will reach an energy that is not in your control; rather your mind and thought are in its control." THE ESSENTIAL KABBALAH "Guru wants to meet you," Nola told my mother, Phillip, Jonathan, and me one night at dinner. We were eating breaded chicken sticks. Ida, as usual, hovered by the stove, trying to double our portions of food. A pile ofchicken sticks and peas and carrots sat on Nola's plate, untouched. Nola and Ida loved one another but Ida couldn't understand why Nola had to "starve herself," and thought perhaps that if she at least had the food on her plate her spirit would partake and convince the rest ofher to try the food. I had no such problems. I was a finicky eater, but I loved Ida's chicken sticks. "He said we should come tomorrow. There'll be a celebration." "I'd like to meet him," said Phillip, who was staying with us out at Ida's beach house for a few days over Christmas, 1970. At first, he'd stayed on because ofblizzard-like conditions, but he might have also stayed on because we treated him like spiritual royalty, our cousin who knew all about automatic writing, India, and even telepathy. On top of that, he seemed perfectly sane, or "together," as we used to say. "I don't want to go," I said. "Not on Christmas." "You'll still get presents," Nola said. "I'm not worried," I said. "I've told Guru about Shiva," she said. "He already knows about Mom." "What does he know about me?" I asked. "Does he do magic tricks?"Jonny asked. "Can he pull a bodhisattva out ofa hat?" 200 Nola 201 Phillip laughed and pointed at Jonny, but Nola ignored him. I laughed, too, though I had no idea what a bodhisattva was. "I saw a man down at the beach today," Nola said, "with no aura." "Maybe he's going to die," Phillip said. "I think he was dead already," Nola said. "Maybe you and Robin should go digging for some more clams," Ida said. "What's my aura?" I asked. "Many colors, Robin, but the foremost is blue." "With gold highlights and sequins,"Jonny said. "Stop it,Jonny," Nola said. I was sure she could see it and I wanted to see her aura too, so I looked hard. I squinted. She had her hands folded in front ofher plate. All I could see was a slight tinge ofgray. "It's blue, with some red in it," Phillip said. From the living room we could hear the plaintive sounds ofJoan Baez singing "East Virginia": "I was born in East Virginia, North Carolina I did roam. There I met a fair young maiden."Jonny at seventeen had dibs on the record player next. He wanted to play the Rolling Stones' Exile on Main Street, ("Softly!" my mother warned) which I tried to get into, but couldn't. The cover, for one, scared me, with all those black-and-white photos offreaks and various Stones members. At that moment in my life, I sided more with Nola than Jonny-I fluctuated constantly between the two, and so did my musical tastes. Right now, it wasJoan Baez,Judy Collins,Joni Mitchell. It was a relieflistening to folk songs rather than "Sympathy for the Devil." * * * On Christmas day, Nola, Phillip, my mother, me, andJonny, disdainful but tagging along for fun, took the Long Island Railroad toJamaica, New York, where Sri Ramanuja's Centre of Being was located. Nola had attended a lecture ofSri Ramanuja's the previous year when she was still at Brandeis, at the urging ofher friend Kathleen, now named Sarada, who had become one of Ramanuja's disciples. Since then, Nola had visited the Centre ofBeing a number oftimes, and was eager to become a disciple, too. She believed that his divine intervention had brought her back from the brink of destruction at the hands of her sinister yoga teacher at Brandeis. But she still looked unhealthy. And her voices were increasing in frequency. Sometimes she'd burst out in a strange voice, Exorcist-style, or track something with her eyes across [3.239.119.159] Project MUSE (2024-03-28 10...