Anne McCaffrey: A Life with Dragons

Chapter 6. Struggling with Success

152 chapter 6 Struggling with Success I dearly wish I could have been a mouse in the woodwork of the bank manager’s office when you marched in, clad in your manly jeans and oldest sweater with a check for $50,000. I love it. —Win Catherwood, letter to Anne McCaffrey Becoming the first science fiction writer to reach the New York Times best-seller list and signing her first million-dollar contract undeniably marked Anne McCaffrey’s success as a writer. As award after award showered upon her in the 1980s, she also faced the difficulties of success. Yes, it was wonderful to be appreciated and to finally, finally, not have to worry about money. Yet the old worries were replaced by new ones: the effect of money and fame on relationships. She had the opportunity to rest on her professional laurels but continued instead to be driven to write. Even when she experienced insomnia and depression, Anne wrote through her pain. In the 1980s, Anne was in her fifties, confronting a midlife crisis compounded by society’s negative attitude toward aging women. A classic romantic, Anne faced the challenges of love and romance as a middle-aged woman. With characteristic verve and humor, she insisted on being in love, even if platonically , with a younger man. Now a successful writer, she wrestled with fanships and friendships, worked to make her children independent , began adjusting to an empty nest. She developed strength and wisdom; she built relationships that supported her intellectual and emotional growth. An intermittent physical problem became serious just as Anne reached the point when she might relax and enjoy her achievements . Anne had dealt with insomnia off and on throughout her 153 Struggling with Success life, but in the first few months of 1980, she had a case severe enough to cause extreme exhaustion and depression. She attributes the illness in part to the effects of her demanding 1979 U.S. book tour, compounded by jet lag. The depression forced her to consult a psychiatrist, who prescribed anti-depressants that actually made her feel worse. After taking the pills, she felt “disconnected from her imagination” and even less able to write. Investigating the medication, she discovered one woman had died from the drug’s side effects, so she promptly discontinued its use. She decided to work through her depression on her own. On a trip to London, she met a dietician who recommended Anne try B12 injections to restore her energy. At this point, willing to try anything, and remembering that her mother had taken B-12, Anne began taking vitamins. They restored her energy, stamina, and health, leaving Anne with a lifelong faith in alternative therapies . Her belief in alternative science, depicted in her fiction, emerged as practice in her life. But it was not only vitamin therapy that helped Anne; she also found great consolation in reading science fiction. Unable to concentrate on writing because of her insomnia, Anne continued to read science fiction; some nights she could only manage a few pages, but she found that reading helped her, as it had so many years ago when, suffering from bronchitis, she first turned to science fiction for solace. Reading science fiction had helped Anne through many a dif- ficult time; the book she turned to now was Robert Silverberg’s Lord Valentine’s Castle, an ingenious series of connected tales by one of Anne’s contemporaries. The main character, Lord Valentine , is burdened with immense responsibility for an entire world and various species. His trouble, like Anne’s, is how to deal with power and success. Lord Valentine suffers from amnesia and so anonymously travels through his world. He is about to be appointed coronal, a potentate who rules over billions of people and “keeps the world from collapsing into chaos.” Valentine has trouble sleeping, for he has disturbing dreams that he cannot properly interpret. On his planet, the King of Dreams is feared as a figure of terror—a folk rhyme declares, “He’s never asleep.” Valentine struggles on his journey, finding friends and love before he 154 Struggling with Success discovers his identity. Valentine’s powers, then, are like those of a science fiction novelist, who has the responsibility of maintaining a fictional world and of keeping thousands of its fans content. As Valentine finds comfort by traveling as a commoner instead of the royal personage he...