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44 B lue A ir Sex and Rainbows I expected to be raised to some point where drugs take you, my soul swimming higher like a salmon leaping upstream, flashing in sunlight, pink water diamonds around me, unaware of the conscious world, my body an instinct. In a dark room, I shed my clothes like a prisoner for inspection. He shed his clothes like a boxer in the ring. My head down waiting for approval, his head up, waiting for everything. When I started melting, it wasn’t a dream. It was a deliberate male act. I dropped to my knees and slipped down, his hands roaming my body like the Gauls plundered Europe. I could still speak, my world, my world, my beautiful world, as the shining rainbow of a salmon twisting upward blackened, and I opened my eyes. I never expected anything this big. ...

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