Type O Negative

bug chaser sestina

79 bug chaser sestina ask basilio. he’ll tell you he has no regrets telling the rolling stone reporter everything about chasing the butt flu, gay cancer basilio’s fixin’ to go out like a bad diva bitch. Like his idol, sylvester, saint sensational. the hood & growing up without, he survived. papa’s fists & no good lovers too. basilio longs for a better life but being brown, queer & poor in the united states . . . basilio’s chasin’ the bug. & he’s gonna get it eventually. basilio is sure that combination cocktails will eventually make HIV a manageable disease. miracle medicine, no more regrets about lost nights & drugged out tricks. basilio was 8 when his family moved to the states from tondo to carson, life didn’t get much better cuz poor is poor is a cancer like his mad tangle with crystal like papa’s disdain like being a faggot. basilio longs for a nice suburban life: gold bands & herb gardens, away from the drama, the sensational. basilio longs for pa’s approval. but pa’s catholic & buys into all the sensational moralizing about hell & sin— not true, not. basilio hopes that pa will eventually come around. then everything will be different—better. basilio longs to soften pa’s rocky castillian heart. yes, one day pa’ll regret his judgment, the brutal spread of his knuckles. basilio believes the diseased, the cancer victims are always forgiven, adored. always, grace & redemption in the dying state. there are several ways one can live. life, ultimately, is an illusion, the state of wanting—the ultimate spiritual no-no. one must see life for what it truly is, a sensational trying delusion. wanting for & material longing, a spiritual cancer such longing is a barrier to enlightenment, release. but eventually, one discovers that life is better lived without want or regret. basilio wants this. to be. someone beyond want or longing. 80 basilio, a shameless size queen, lives for big cocks—mean, crudely veined, & long basilio’s all about getting pummeled. his hole, a portal to altered states basilio’s hot after the bug. basilio doesn’t regret giving the reporter his story. basilio’s sure his sensational story will make him famous. a true tragic diva. & eventually pa will have to adore him when he realizes his basilio is famous & dying of cancer mama died just before basilio’s 13th birthday. cancer like small crooked teeth gnawing at her small brown indía breasts. basilio longs for pa to gnaw at his breast. like a bug ripping through wood eventually exposing the bone remains underneath. cancer & sadness kills everyone in the states, basilo’s musty powdered abuelita warned. avoid sinful sensations indulgences,they’re the pathways to sin.live a chaste life,one without sin,want,or regret. basilio dreams of fame & cancer. basilio longs for enlightenment, the blessed state basilio yearns for pa’s fat peninsular cock. joining with, becoming one, the ultimate sensation basilio’s certain that pa will learn to love him. the kind of love that knows no shame or regret. ...