New and Selected Poems, 1957-2011

Companion Animals

190 COMPANION ANIMAlS 1. THE PURPOSE OF DOGS The difference in mind between man and the higher animals, great as it is, certainly is one of degree and not of kind. —Charles Darwin Ninety percent of our genetic makeup is the same as yours. But you, my friend, twenty-two feet from your mouth to your anus. It’s all right, Boss, dogs understand, They know what it means to be human. Still, the doctor who said, ‘The purpose of dogs Is to stimulate the sub-cortical reward system’, That doctor needs a doctor. Woof, woof fuckin’ woof! The purpose of dogs is for you to walk around after us with a little bag. 2. GRAVITAS Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isn’t permanent. —Jean Kerr I can tell, Boss. You don’t need to be a physician to know, They’re not firing right. Those neurons in the frontal cortex of your brain. Photophobic. Anhedonic. You lived in color. Now you walk around in shades of gray. 191 Poor fucker. Can’t think straight, can you, Boss? You know, people think you got gravitas, But all it really is, is you’re depressed. 3. THE SOUL HAS LOST ITS HOME For lonely dogs with separation anxiety, Eli Lilly brought to market its own drug Reconcile last year. The only difference between it and Prozac is that Reconcile is chewable and tastes like beef. —New York Times Melancholia. You know, there’s another name for it, ‘Soul loss.’ Symptoms include loss of appetite, Insomnia, biting and chasing your own tail. Listen, dogs are people too. We know shit, We know shit you don’t even know is shit. You got a mind. Dogs got a mind. You lost yours? You don’t think dogs Lose theirs? Goofy, neurotic, photophobic, anhedonic dogs. So they get prescribed SSRI’s which, remember, says the New York Times, 192 Were first tested on dogs Before being given to humans. And why not? Melancholia. Tell me, Boss, Is it worse for humans or for dogs? 4. GARDEN OF EDEN Dogs tell the story: In the Garden of Eden, when God threw out Adam, All the other animals shunned him, except the dog. v v v The love between dog and man is idyllic. Truth is, Boss, I’m the nearest you’re ever gonna get to paradise. v v v To this day, when someone dies, A dog goes along to testify on their behalf. ...