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181 ThE WORlD ACCORDING TO ShElBY The world is going to the dogs and I’m the dog the world is going to. Shelby here, S-H-E-L-B-Y. Lift your leg. What? You want my resume? Sniff here. Rrf, Rrf . . . If I can smell your ass I know what you got up your sleeve. Now shut up! Shut up and let me bark . . . For starters, food has a way of anchoring thought. I’ll tell you that. The stomach and the heart, they’re the same thing. But I wanna know, after 10,000 years of domestication, what does it mean to be a dog anymore? Of course it’s true 90% of our genetic makeup is the same as yours. I read. I read shit like that. You need. But you think I need? Need what? An interspecies relationship? As for sex, dogs don’t do strap on’s, dogs don’t do dongs. No three-ways. Gimme a bow, gimme a wow, gimme a bow wow wow. No deep throat for dogs. No twisted jelly shaft. No pearl-beaded prolong ring. 182 Remember your woof woof is connected to your bow wow. Be cool. Love like war. Winner is who stays longer. You know, sometimes it’s just good to hang out with your own kind. ...

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