Injecting Dreams into Cows

Hideous Games

64 hIDeous games (with Ken Cenicola) Please let it end. It feels like it never will. How do people play all the way through? It beats me every time. I’m hoarded in a blistering frenzy of decadence and suddenly you’re a schoolmarm wearing earrings to match every holiday. There’s something illicit about it. It feels like it’s against the law. You’re getting away with it. It’s a little bit violent. I want to play it with you. Am I hurting you? It’s fun if I am. Do you have to complain so loud? Come on, you like it too. Watching you run turns me into something viscous, like Jell-O. But just when you think you have me beat I flip you over one by one. You kept telling me what to do and I didn’t listen. You even knew I wasn’t listening. You knew how to do it better, I was awful, but I wanted to keep on doing it my own way. You kept asking me things that don’t have answers, and I kept trying to answer you. We both knew exactly what was going on and that it was going to keep going on like that. But now I know that you were right, about that if nothing else. 65 The shattering denouement, the splash of plastic. It can’t be undone. Ecstatic misery. The delicious slowness of the marble cascading downward. The anticipation of the trap! I was sunk. I didn’t even want to come up for air. We sat across from each other and battled silently, warriors fighting to the death, paper squares fluttering between us. There was no way for it to end nicely. At your house everything felt against the rules. It was a towering pile of entropy, an architectural rainbow that broke like a heart at the slightest touch. I tried to help you win but sabotaged us both. My head was in a little cave. Why wouldn’t the net stay taut? The rhythm was addictive. It woke us up at night. We tried to breathe with it. Everyone told me different rules. I knew there were rules but I didn’t know what they were. I didn’t need to win, I just didn’t want to lose. One animal leads to another. Some animals are harder than others. Every animal made us happy with anticipation. I know where you are even if I can’t see you. I’m moving toward you in slow motion all the time. ...