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Pamucklian for Chocolate

B.H. James

Publication Year: 2013

This startling, stylish, hilarious debut novel explores what happens when we realize how crazy our parents are, and how crazy we were to ever believe them. In Parnucklian for Chocolate, B.H. James has made recognizable and relatable the alien lurking at the heart of so much family life.

Published by: Red Hen Press

Title Page, Copyright, Acknowledgments

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pp. 1-6

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Chapter One

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pp. 1-14

Three weeks before his sixteenth birthday, Josiah was allowed to move back in with his mother, who had been impregnated with him during an alien abduction her freshman year of college. Josiah did not move back into the home he had grown up in—the home he had lived in with his mother— ...

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Chapter Two

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pp. 15-39

Josiah first met Johnson Davis’s daughter Bree four days after moving into the home of Johnson Davis. Having decided at eleven years old that if he ever grew up and had people that he loved he would live with them all together in his home, Josiah thought that Bree, whom he thought was pretty, liking the way that she looked in her soccer uniform, ...

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Chapter Three

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pp. 40-52

For an entire week while in the seventh grade, less than a year before he would move into the group home and less than three years before he would meet Bree, Josiah would not speak any words other than, “I’m Vince Clortho, Keymaster of Gozer. Are you the Gatekeeper?” ...

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Chapter Four

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pp. 53-81

When Josiah finally woke the morning after Bree came into his room, he found that his sheets and comforter were missing. He was simply lying in his pajamas on the bedspread and mattress. Josiah remained lying in bed, or as is the case when one has no sheets nor any covers, remained lying on his bed later than usual for a Saturday morning, ...

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Chapter Five

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pp. 82-100

Josiah’s first full week in the home of Johnson Davis without Bree, which began that following morning, the following morning being a Sunday, was somewhat difficult for Josiah. Despite Josiah’s desire to remain lying in bed thinking about Bree or what he felt about Bree and what he would say to Bree the next time that he saw her, ...

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Chapter Six

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pp. 101-122

Before Josiah could learn about the life and works of Jesus Christ, he first had to learn about God, who was the father of Jesus Christ, otherwise the life and works of Jesus Christ would be out of context. So Josiah spent his first day of homeschooling in the home of Johnson Davis, which began shortly after Josiah finished his breakfast, ...

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Chapter Seven

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pp. 123-153

On the day that Josiah would once again see Bree, after his morning lesson, Josiah took an especially long bath. Much longer, in fact, than the normal duration of his baths. An hour later, he also took a shower, which itself was also longer in duration than Josiah’s normal showers. Tip #1 To Make Her Go Home with You had ordered that Josiah take a bath or shower. ...

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Chapter Eight

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pp. 154-176

A year and a half earlier, when Bree was sixteen years old, she got pregnant. She first suspected she may be pregnant after getting sick at school, throwing up into a clay pot she was making in her first period art class. That afternoon, after school, Bree and her friend Ariel took the bus to the local drug store and bought a pregnancy test and walked to Ariel’s house. ...

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Chapter Nine

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pp. 177-195

The moment that Bree told Johnson Davis and Josiah and Josiah’s mother that she was pregnant and it was Josiah’s, Josiah’s mother, who had been standing at the kitchen counter, passed out. When Josiah’s mother passed out, she hit her head against a drawer that she had earlier opened in search of a whisk with which to stir the waffle batter, ...

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Chapter Ten

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pp. 196-210

Though the home, on weekdays, and now possibly for all days, of Bree, as well as of Bree’s mother, was only forty-six miles from the home of Johnson Davis, it took Josiah nearly an hour and a half to arrive there, having had to first drive to Bree’s high school, as Johnson Davis had done, before making his way to Bree’s home, ...

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Chapter Eleven

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pp. 211-230

Bart—whom, even though he had been very polite to Josiah and always shook Josiah’s hand and had helped Josiah hold the pipe to his lips, Josiah did not like that much and wished would go away—drove his car into the farming area outside of town, Bree directing him where to go. ...

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Chapter Twelve

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pp. 231-249

Josiah and Ariel walked—separately—back to the creek bed, where Bart and Bree were asleep in the sand, Bree’s head on Bart’s chest. It had begun, just lightly, to rain, and Bree, with sleep in her eyes, declared that they should just head back to the apartment, and Bart, with sleep in his eyes, asked her, “What about your Dad? ...

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Chapter Thirteen

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pp. 250-265

The night before Josiah moved into the home of Johnson Davis—his last night in the group home—shortly after dinner, Patrick walked into his and Josiah’s room, inside which Josiah had been sitting alone—Eli Koslowski and Joey Simms, with whom Josiah and Patrick shared the room, having gone, immediately after eating, out to the yard to shoot hoops— ...

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About the Author

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p. 272-272

B.H. James was born and raised an only child in Galt, California. He attended Catholic schools and had a dog named Pepsi. He went to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, where he majored in sociology, which was slightly useless as he mostly took creative writing courses. ...

E-ISBN-13: 9781597092791
E-ISBN-10: 1597092797
Print-ISBN-13: 9781597097901
Print-ISBN-10: 159709790X

Page Count: 272
Publication Year: 2013

Edition: First