Careers in International Affairs, Eighth Edition

4 Finding and Working with a Mentor

4 Finding and Working with a Mentor Maria Pinto Carland WE HAVE ALL BEEN involved in a mentoring relationship at one time in our lives—with family, friends, or colleagues. Mentoring can be part of a formal program, a situational connection, a friendship, or a casual relationship without any formal structure. In this instance, however , we are discussing a professional relationship. Although you may find that this chapter simply confirms what you already know, it also seeks to provide a framework for your ideas and future actions as you form and establish mentoring relationships. In ancient times, young men and women were sent to other families to learn, through observation and imitation, how to behave and succeed in society. To be sure, sometimes they were hostages, but an old Irish word for such situations sounds more like what we have in mind: fostering . In modern times, this concept—in schools, businesses, and the public sector—has become known as mentoring. Mentoring is almost invariably a beneficial relationship. It provides a sounding board for plans and strategies, it initiates a mental or physical move to another point in life, and it establishes a ritual of seeking and finding advice and support. Typically, mentoring is a relationship in which information and insights are shared by a more experienced person with a less experienced one. By listening to and observing the more experienced person, the less experienced individual receives personal attention and learns through precept and example. The more senior partner gains prestige and satisfaction from the junior partner’s progress and success. Interestingly, the experience also lends itself to introspection and selfawareness . That is, the mentor herself must have a clear image of who she is, what she is good at, and what she has learned from life before she can know what she has to share. When seeking a mentor, a distinction should be made between a mentor and a confidant. A mentor is usually someone on the inside—at 38 Finding and Working with a Mentor • 39 school, at work, in a volunteer group, at a church—who can influence events. A confidant is someone on the outside, who may listen sympathetically without either involvement or the ability to influence. As a matter of prudence, it might be unwise or unfair to discuss some issues with an individual within your organization. For example, in the wake of a difficult experience, you might wish to share your immediate feelings with a confidant who could listen sympathetically. Later on, you might go to your mentor for advice and suggestions about the experience. However , whether the relationship is with a mentor or a confidant, your relationship must be one of trust and confidence. When seeking a mentor, a distinction should be made between a mentor and a confidant. You should keep in mind that your role model may not always be an appropriate choice for a mentor. For instance, you might identify an individual in your field whose career path impresses you and whose skills you wish to emulate. At the same time, you also realize that you will probably never get to know that person, and that he would never have the time or energy to provide you with the kind of one-to-one guidance you would expect from a mentor. Therefore, this is not the person you should approach to be your mentor. You should select someone with whom you are comfortable, probably not a direct supervisor but someone more senior, who knows you (or is willing to get to know you), understands your situation, and is in a position to be of assistance. Your mentor need not be the same sex or race, but you should always stay within your comfort zone. And of course, remember that there is no rule that limits you to only one mentor! Look for these qualities in your mentor: • good powers of observation, and a willingness to listen; • the talent and time to guide and educate; • a sense of tact, generosity, and understanding; and • a knowledge of the playing field and the players. Look for these qualities in yourself as a mentee: • the ability to initiate and cultivate; • clear goals and skill in articulating them; 40 • Finding and Working with a Mentor • the ability to offer something, make a request, and give back; and • the knowledge that most people enjoy...