Unbeknownst

Betrayal (A Valentine)

6 Betrayal (A Valentine) Sometimes I tell my husband things completely without thinking as if the items in my day were dishes rinsed and slipped into the washer after lunch and forgotten for all the afternoon as they cycle through sani-wash and rinse and dry, ending with that little click that lets us know they’re done, and then as we stand in the kitchen slicing vegetables for salad and getting out the butter for the bread, I remember the dishes that are surely done and one by one I take them out with no concern about their likely interest as artifacts to anyone and that is how I came to mention that Jean had told me something, a secret that wasn’t deeply personal, just something she didn’t want let out until afterwards, if, in fact, she got the job at all. But don’t mention it to anyone, I said, remembering that she had said she hadn’t told anyone about it yet, and now, thanks to me and unbeknownst to her, she had. On the very next night we gave Jean a ride to a church event and before she even had her seat belt fastened, my husband introduced the topic of the job she was trying for which he wasn’t supposed to know anything about and spoke for the entire ride and without pause about matters he was privileged to know concerning it. I was driving, yes, but I didn’t feel to be the one in control. Well, I could have killed him. Technically, it was myself who had done wrong and yet as this was happening I felt that it was me whom someone had betrayed, because I really do not want the kind of marriage where one person hesitates before mentioning a thing (thinking, oops, oh wait now, do I need to censor that from him?); I’d rather have the kind of marriage where nothing is pre-sorted or arranged for presentation, where the plates, be they china or the everyday, are set out without pretense or apology, and where each companion knows with an automatic generosity what to do with what is shared. On the other hand, how I do admire that Jean expects this kind of sensitivity from friends. ...