In lieu of an abstract, here is a brief excerpt of the content:

235 Dating (or Marrying) a Writer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I’m not a matchmaker, nor am I a marriage counselor, so I’m not going to offer much by way of advice, but I will point out a few observations . Dating a writer can be tricky for a number of reasons. For one thing, you’re likely to be reading each other’s work. What if one writer is more sensitive to criticism than the other? Or, what if one is prone to offering harsh, uncensored criticism? You’ll probably need to find some middle ground or set some ground rules. What if you don’t respect the work of the person you’re dating? I don’t know how one gets over this hump, but on those very few occasions when I’ve been around a writer who’s disparaging the work of their significant other, I’ve walked away with a sense that the lack of respect goes deeper than the work itself. These couples probably shouldn’t be together in the first place, but if they are, I don’t want to be around when the truth, held like a weapon, is finally revealed. In long-​ term relationships, you have to worry about finding two jobs for writers in the same place. If you’re both shooting for jobs in academia, good luck! This may be the most pervasive stumbling block for two writers trying to make a life together. One gets a good job while the other does grunt work for a lousy wage. Is it possible to live this sort of life and, if you’re the one with the miserable job, not feel resentment? Yeah, sure . . . but the gainfully employed partner should be attuned to the other’s sacrifices and help remedy the situation , if at all possible. And then there’s the writing career itself. A career in writing is a movable feast. One day you’re hot; the next, your book is in the remainder bin and no one remembers you. It’s entirely possible for one spouse’s career to be the hot one for a couple of years while the other spouse’s career is hot thereafter. As one descends, the other ascends. The ego is a nasty fellow, and it’s easy to become resentful and jealous . Resist, I say. Try to remind yourself why you’re a writer in the first place. Take as much pleasure in your significant other’s accomplishments as you would your own. It’s not an easy life, two writers living under the same roof, but it can be a gratifying one if you can put all the ego and accompanying b.s. aside while staying attuned to each other’s highs and lows. ...

Share