Mark Twain Speaking

92. Punch, Brothers, Punch

308 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING· 92 · Mark Twain revised a number ofshort narratives and episodesfrom his books to make them more congenial to his style of platform delivery: Buck Fanshaw's funeralfrom Roughing It, the Grangerford-Shepherdsonfeudfrom Huckleberry Finn, Baker and the bluejaysfrom A Tramp Abroad, "The McWilliamses and the Burglar Alarm," and many others. He tested them by audience response and by his ownfeelings because he had to enjoy telling a story as much as people enjoyed listening to it. "Punch, Brothers, Punch," below, was a frequent number on his varied programs. Punch, Brothers, Punch Read on World Tour Programs, 1895-96, and on Other Occasions When the conductor receives a fare, he will punch in the presence of the passenger. You bought a blue slip or trip slip for the longest distance, eight cents; a buff trip slip, shorter distance, six cents; pink, shortest distance, three cents. These facts were displayed in large print, line after line like a frieze around under the ceiling of the car. It struck some newspaperman that they would make poetry if bunched together . So he bunched them together-and then they readConductor , when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Chorus Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare! MARK TWAIN SPEAKING 309 I came across these jingling rhymes in the newspaper, and read them a couple of times. They took instant and entire possession of me. All through breakfast they went waltzing through my brain; and when, at last, I was finished, I could not tell whether I had eaten anything or not. I went to my desk and took up my pen, but it was no use. My head kept humming, "A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, a buff trip slip for a six-cent fare," a pink etc.-punch in the presence. I suffered all the afternoon; suffered all through an unconscious and unrefreshing dinner; suffered, and cried, and jingled all through the evening; went to bed and rolled, tossed, and jingled right along, the same as ever; got up at midnight frantic, and tried to read; but there was nothing visible upon the whirling page except "Punch! punch in the presence of the passenjare." Two days later, on Saturday morning, I arose, a tottering wreck, and went forth to fulfill an engagement with a valued friend, the Rev. Mr. ---, to walk to the Talcott Tower, ten miles distant. He stared at me, but asked no questions. We started. Mr. --- talked, talked, talked-as is his wont. I said nothing; I heard nothing-busy with my jingles. At the ten-mile post, all ofa sudden Mr. ---laid his hand on my shoulder and shouted- "Oh, wake up! wake up! wake up! Don't sleep all day! Here we are at the Tower, man! I have talked myself deaf and dumb and blind, and never got a response. Just look at this magnificent autumn landscape! Look at it! look at it! Feast your eyes on it! You have traveled; you have seen boasted landscapes elsewhere. Come, now, deliver an honest opinion. What do you say to this?" I sighed wearily, and murmured- "A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, a pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, punch in the presence of the passenjare." Rev. Mr. --- stood there, very grave, full ofconcern, apparently, and looked long at me; then he said- "Mark, there is something about this that I cannot understand. Those are about the same words you said before; there does not seem to be anything in them, and yet they nearly break my heart when you say them. Punch in the-how is it they go?" I began at the beginning and repeated all the lines. My friend's face lighted with interest. He said- "Why, what a captivatingjingle it is! It is almost music. It flows along so nicely. I have nearly caught the rhymes myself. Say them over just once more, and then I'll have them, sure." I said them over. Then Mr. --- said them. He made one little mistake, which I corrected. The next time and the next he got them right. Now a great burden seemed to tumble from my shoulders. That 310 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING...