Mark Twain Speaking

41. Funeral Oration

146 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING· 41 · Hartford Republicans celebrated the victory oftheir candidates, Garfield and Arthur, in a noisy session. Mark Twain disconcerted some listeners, however, by delivering afuneral oration in such a doleful voice that literal-minded people were slow to catch on. Funeral Oration Over the Grave of the Democratic Party Republican Jollification, Opera House, Hartford, November 2,1880 There are occasions which are so solemn, so weighted with the deep concerns oflife, that then even the licensedjester must lay aside his cap and bells and remember that he is a man and mortal; that even his light, butterfly career offolly has its serious seasons, and he cannot flee them or ignore them. Such a time, my friends, is this, for we are in the near presence of one who is a passenger from this life, one whom we have known long and well, but shall know no more forever. About the couch ofhim who lies stricken are gathered those who hold him dear, and who await the coming of a great sorrow. His breathing is faint, and grows fainter; his voice is become a whisper; his pulses scarcely record the languishing ebb and flow ofthe wasted current of life; his lips are pallid, and the froth of dissolution gathers upon them; his face is drawn; his cheeks are sunken; the roses are gone from them and ashes are in their place; his form is still; his feet are ice; his eyes are vacant; beaded sweat is on his brow; he picks at the coverlet with unconscious fingers; he "babbles 0' green fields"; death's rattle is in his throat; his time is at hand. With every breeze that comes to us out ofthe distances, near and far, from every segment of the wide horizon, there comes a voice heavy with mourning; and the burden of the mourning is, "The aged and stricken Democratic party is dying"; and the burden of the lament will MARK TWAIN SPEAKING 147 be, "The mighty is fallen; the Democratic party is dead." And who and what is he that is dying and will presently be dead? A footsore political wanderer, a hoary political tramp, an itinerant poor actor familiar with many disguises, a butcher of many parts. In the North he played "Protection" and "Hard Money." In the West he played "Protection," "Free Trade," "Hard Money," and "Soft Money," changing disguises and parts according to the exigencies of the occasion. In the South he played "Tariff for Revenue"; in the North and West he played "The Apostle of Freedom." In the South he played "The Assassin of Freedom," and mouthed the sacred shibboleths of liberty with cruel and bloody lips. His latest and final appearance upon the nation's stage was in the new piece entitled "Forgery, a Farce," in which he was assisted by the whole strength ofthe company. It was a poor piece. It was indifferently played; so it failed, and he was hissed and abused by the audience. But he lies low now, and blame and praise are to him alike. The charitable will spare the one, the judicious will reserve the other. Oh, friends! this is not a time for jests and levity, but a time for bended forms and uncovered heads, for we stand in the near presence of majestic death, a momentous and memorable death; a grisly and awful death. For it is a death from which there is no resurrection. Heaven bless us, one and all! Heaven temper the blow to the afflicted family. Heaven grant them a change of heart and a better life! Text / "Mark Twain, Funeral Oration," CTrib, November 4, 1880. "babbles 0' greenfields" / From Shakespeare's Henry V (2-3), the Hostess telling ofthe death of Falstaff: "for his nose was as sharp as a pen, and a' babbled ofgreen fields." This famous emendation of the First Folio reading, "and a Table of greene fields," was made by Lewis Theobald in the eighteenth century. "Forgery" / A reference to a letter said to have been written by Garfield,january 23,1880, to H. L. Morey, of the Lynn, Massachusetts , Employers Union. First published in Truth, a New York scandal sheet, during the closing weeks of the campaign, it was widely reprinted. On the Chinese problem the letter says: "the question of employes is only a question of private and corporate economy, and individuals and companies have the right to buy labor where they can get it cheapest.. We have a treaty with the...