Mark Twain Speaking

192. Lotos Club

MARK TWAIN SPEAKING· 192 · 637 The Lotos Club honored Carnegiefor having come to the rescue ofthe club when it was about to go under in thefinancial panic of 1907. A mong speakers were former Ambassador Tower, Gilder, McKeluJay, John H. Finley, president of City College, and Mark Twain. Chairman Lawrence introduced the latter as "St. Mark." Dinner Speech Lotos Club Dinnerfor Andrew Carnegie, New York, March 17,1909 I am glad that at last a man has been found withjustice enough in his heart to pay me the compliment which I have so long deserved, and which has been denied me by so many generations of supposedly intelligent beings. Ranking me with the saints! There is nothing which pleases me more than that, because there is nothing left which I have deserved more than just that. I have ranked myself with St. Andrew for several years, and I really think that this should have been a dinner to the two of us, as St. Andrew was born on the same day in the same year as I was. If St. Andrew had not been born as early as he was on the 30th of November, I should stand now about where he stands. He got in a little ahead of me. St. Clair there is a saint, but a minor sort of saint. He is a Missourian. So am I. Look at St. Clair McKelway! You wouldn't think he came from a state like that, he looks so proud and respectable. The state of Missouri has for its coat ofarms a barrel head, and two Missourians are on each side of it, leaning there together, with the motto, a misleading motto altogether, which says, "United we stand, divided we fall." Now it is an interesting thing, St. Andrew here is here as a special guest, and he has heard himself complimented, and complimented, and complimented. You know, it is anybody's experience who has had any large experience in being the chief guest at a banquet, and you must know how entirely undeserved that entire proceeding is, for the reason that the chairman begins by filling him up with compliments, 638 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING and while they are well done, they are not quite high enough to meet the demand. Now, this man has suffered this evening from hearing compliments poured out on him, apparently with lavishness, but he knows deep down in his heart that if he could overcome his diffidence he could improve those compliments. But he tries to dissemble, as our chief guest always does-look at the expression he has got on now! And the man always thinks he is doing well! Anybody who knows, knows that it is a pretty awkward performance, that diffidence that he is working on his countenance doesn't deceive anybody; but it is always interesting to see what people will find to say about a man. It is not a matter of what Carnegie has done, for I would have done it myself, if I had had to. I don't know just what Mr. Lawrence told you about how Mr. Carnegie came to the rescue of this club when it was likely to get into trouble, for I came in late; but Ijudge from remarks that followed that he did tell you about that, and that it was a fine thing to do. And they tell me that it was at a banquet given by the Lotos Club to me; it was at that banquet that Mr. Carnegie had that inspiration. But, ofcourse, he gets the entire credit! It never occurs to anybody that perhaps I furnished that inspiration. I don't say I did. I live a modest life, and people can see that by my features; I don't want to advertise the way others do. Why, the first thing that Mr. Carnegie starts out to tell you is what Scotland has contributed to this world. It has contributed everybody that has been of any value to the United States. I am not denying it. I am saying that it is momentous, that's all. I don't know that Andrew Carnegie and Mr. Tower told it, but they all came from Dunfermline. What would have happened if all Scotland had turned out? I understand that Mr. Carnegie claims that Columbus was born in Dunfermline, and he discovered the country, and two or three other men established religion, where they didn't have any; and from...