Mark Twain Speaking

168. Royal Garden Party

556 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING· 168 · Mark Twain's stay in England was a continual round ofengagements and of being greeted by everybody, from longshoremen who hailed him as he disembarked , to King Edward at the royal garden party. At this event a great crush of celebrities British and foreign swirled about the grounds of Windsor Castle. Mark Twain went up from London with Henniker Heaton, Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman, Sir Mortimer Durand, Fridtjof Nansen, and Ellen Terry. From the Windsor railroad station to the castle they drove through streets lined by cheering crowds, Mark Twain bowing repeatedly right and left like a visiting potentate. He chatted with the king and queen, and naturally told reporters about it. Monologue on the Royal Garden Party Windsor Castle, England, June 22, 1907 His Majesty was very courteous. In the course of the conversation I reminded him of an episode of sixteen years ago, when I had the honor to walk a mile with him at the time he was taking the waters at Homburg in Germany. I said that I had often told about that episode, and that whenever I was the historian I made good history of it, and it was worth listening to, but that it had found its way into print once or twice in an unauthentic way and was badly damaged thereby. I said I should like to go on repeating this history, but that I should be quite fair and reasonably honest, and while I should probably never tell it twice in the same way, I should at least never allow it to deteriorate in my hands. His Majesty intimated his willingness that I should continue to disseminate that piece of history, and he added a compliment, saying that he knew good and sound history would not suffer at my hands, and that if the good and sound history needed any improvement beyond the facts he would trust me to furnish these embellishments. I think it is not an exaggeration to say that the Queen looks as young and beautiful as she did thirty-five years ago, when I saw her first. I MARK TWAIN SPEAKING 557 didn't say this to her, because I learned long ago never to say the obvious thing, but leave the obvious thing to commonplace and inexperienced people to say. That she still looks to me as young and beautiful as she looked thirty-five years ago is good evidence that ten thousand people have already noticed this, and have mentioned it to her. I could have said it and spoken the truth, but I have been too wise for that. I have kept the remark unuttered, and saved her Majesty the vexation of hearing it the ten thousandth-and-oneth time. All that report about my proposal to buy Windsor Castle and its grounds is a false rumor-I started it myself. One newspaper said I patted his Majesty on the shoulder-an impertinence of which I was not guilty; I was reared in the most exclusive circles of Missouri and I know how to behave. The King rested his hand upon my arm a moment or two while we were chatting, but he did it ofhis own accord. The newspaper which said I talked with her Majesty with my hat on spoke the truth, but my reasons for doing it were good and sufficient-in fact unassailable. Rain was threatening, the temperature had cooled, and the Queen said, "Please put your hat on, Mr. Clemens." I begged her pardon and excused myself from doing it. After a moment or two she said, "Mr. Clemens, put your hat on"-with a slight emphasis on the word "on"-"I can't allow you to catch cold here." When a beautiful queen commands it is a pleasure to obey, and this time I obeyed-but I had already disobeyed once, which is more than a subject would have felt justified in doing; and so it is true, as charged; I did talk with the Queen of England with my hat on, but it wasn't fair in the newspaper man to charge it upon me as an impoliteness, since there were reasons for it which he could not know of. Text / Composite, based upon: "Twain Amuses King and Queen," Times, June 23, 1907; Sydney Brooks, "England's Ovation to Mark Twain," Harper's Weekly 51, no. 2640 (July 27, 1907): 1086; MTB, 4: 1385-86. ...