Mark Twain Speaking

128. Two Political Speeches

414 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING· 128 · Mark Twain threw himselfinto the municipal campaign with great enthusiasm. Presiding at a noonday mass meeting in a vacant storeroom on lower Broadway , he introduced Seth Low to a cheering crowd that jammed the makeshift hall, while hundreds gathered outside. Tammany roughs tried to break up the meeting, but they were unceremoniously ejected. Two Political Speeches Noonday Meeting, Order ofAcorns, 350 Broadway, New York, October 29, 1901 I have been ill. It was indiscriminate eating. I ate a banana, thinking that by doing so I might conciliate the Italian party of our population and prevail upon them to vote the Fusion ticket. Gentlemen, it was a Tammany banana. Now a Tammany banana is a strange thing. The first nibble of it is white and pure, but all the rest of it is rotten and will contaminate. We all have respect for Mr. Shepard. He is the pure part of the banana, but all the rest of the Tammany ticket is rotten, and the best we can do is to get rid of the whole Tammany banana, Shepard and all. I have eaten only one banana, but still I feel as if I had swallowed a whole bunch of Tammany tigers, and they were wrestling for the spoils in my interior. New York has eaten the Tammany banana, and needs a doctor. I think I can introduce to you a competent one in Dr. Seth Low. [After Low's brief speech, shouts of"Twain! Twain!" brought Mark Twain up again to say a few words about the Order ofAcorns. Then he concluded with the remarks below.] You have heard in a vague way of the "red light" cadets. They are Croker's knights, who went out into the New England states and lured young, innocent girls into houses of ill fame in this city. Things are going on in this city which would disgrace any community in the civilized or uncivilized world. New York has far exceeded Sodom and Gomorrah. If you do not know about the wickedness of those cities, it only goes to show your lack of Biblical knowledge. Sodom and Gomor- MARK TWAIN SPEAKING 415 rah were well enough in their time, but Tammany could have given them points. Text / Composite, based upon: "Mark Twain Presides at a Low Meeting ," Courant, October 30, 1901; "Twain on the Tiger Banana," NYTrib, October 30,1901.· 129 · When the Fusionists won the election, the Acorns staged a jubilee. At their headquarters, decorated with brooms symbolic ofa clean sweep, Mark Twain, who had got out ofa sick bed to join the celebration, delivered a mock eulogy of Tammany. Then he and Acorns officers, in a carriage, led a parade offive thousand uptown, the marchers detouring to pass Tammany Hall while the Old Guard band played "Go Waaa-y Back and Sit Down." At Forty-second Street Mark Twain reviewed the long line ofparaders, who then headed downtown. At the Metropolitan Opera House they paused to burn Croker in effigy, the band playing "The Battle Cry ofFreedom," the crowd singing lustily. When the police moved in, a riot seemed imminent, but somebody created a diversion by proposing three cheers for Mark Twain. After the cheering had subsided, the effigy was in ashes, and no riot occurred. Mock Eulogy of Tammany Acorns Election Jubilee, New York, November 6,1901 It is a victory as was suggested in the letter you have read, a success in part prophetic. The old gang has been defeated all along the line, and I prophesy, because I was born a prophet, that the next time we go to the polls we go there 100,000 strong. I am not surprised at the superb majority we had. What surprises me is that Tammany got a single vote, with the entire pulpit and almost the entire press against it. But while a thirty-thousand majority was not nearly large enough, we will not quarrel with Tammany about the result. Tammany is dead, and it is no ...