Mark Twain Speaking

96. Savage Club

MARK TWAIN SPEAKING· 96 · 321 When thefamily returned to London in the early summer of1899, Mark Twain was immediately sought after, much as he had been on hisfirst visit almost thirty years before. The Savage Club made him itsfourth honorary member, the other three being the Prince ofWales, FridtjofNansen, and Henry M. Stanley. At a club dinnerfor the new member, the toastmaster said that the chiefguest had no claim to the title ofhumorist, that his true vocation was statistics, which he loved for their own sake, and that he would have an easy time counting all the real jokes he had ever made. Mark Twain promptlyjumped up to make the briefreply given below. Later in the evening he evidently made afull-scale speech, but it has not survived. Dinner Speech Savage Club Dinnerfor Mark Twain, London, June 9, 1899 Perhaps 1am not a humorist, but 1am a first-class fool-a simpleton; for up to this moment 1 have believed Chairman MacAlister to be a decent person whom 1 could allow to mix up with my best friends and relatives. The exhibition he has just made of himself reveals him to be a scoundrel and a knave of the deepest dye. 1 have been cruelly deceived, and it serves me right for trusting a Scotchman. Yes, 1 do understand figures, and 1 can count. 1 have counted the words in MacAlister's drivel (I certainly cannot call it a speech), arid there were exactly three thousand four hundred and thirty-nine. 1 also carefully counted the lies-there were exactly three thousand four hundred and thirty-nine. Therefore, 1 leave MacAlister to his fate. 1 was sorry to hear my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spenser is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and 1am not feeling very well myself . Text / "Statistics," MTS(10):276-78. MTB, 3: 1086-87, gives a fragment of his later full-length speech, in which he referred to his first 322 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING London visit: "I was 6 feet 4 in those days. Now I am 5 feet 8Y2 and daily diminishing in altitude, and the shrinkage of my principles goes on.... Irving was here then, is here now. Stanley is here, and Joe Hutton, but Charles Reade is gone and Tom Hood and Harry Lee and Canon Kingsley. In those days you could have carried Kipling around in a lunch basket; now he fills the world. I was young and foolish then; now I am old and foolisher." MacAlister / John Young Walker MacAlister (1856--1926). Scotch journalist and librarian. A journalist in Leeds and Yorkshire, he became librarian of the Gladstone Library (1887), honorary secretary of the Library Association (1887-98), and president (1914-19). He was instrumental in combining medical organizations to form the Royal Society of Medicine.· 97 · As critics have noted, Mark Twain's attitude toward England swung back and forth between opposing views. Generally he was a hearty Anglophile. Then, when dispkased by the turn ofpolitical events or when ruffled by somebody like Matthew Arnold, he became for a time just as hearty an Anglophobe. In the speech below he is in a friendly mood, preaching the doctrine of good will between the two countries. Dinner Speech Authors Club Dinnerfor Mark Twain, London, June 12, 1899 It does not embarrass me to hear my books praised so much. It only pleases and delights me. I have not gone beyond the age when embarrassment is possible, but I have reached the age when I know how to conceal it. It is such a satisfaction to me to hear Sir Walter Besant, who is much more capable than I tojudge of my work, deliver a judgment which is such a contentment to my spirit. Well, I have thought well of the books myself, but I think more of ...