Behind Every Choice Is a Story

Chapter Four: Pierced ears

50 Chapter Four Pierced ears When I was seventeen, I went to a local clinic to have an exam, so that I could get a prescription for birth control pills without having to ask my parents. My mom and dad had always stressed to me that I could come to them about sexual matters and were open with me about sex; they even contributed both their time and money to Planned Parenthood! But still, for whatever reason, I felt like this was something I wanted to do on my own. —Andrea, age twenty-two Minors do consent I don’t have pierced ears. I figure that if God had wanted us to have holes in our ears, she would have put them there. So when my daughters, aged eleven and thirteen and generally well behaved, wanted to get their ears pierced, I said no. Soon after, my daughter Linda and a friend went into the bathroom and with a sterilized needle and ice as anesthetic, pierced each other’s ears. They did a pretty good job of it, too. They unwittingly, or maybe wittingly, taught me that there is a big Pierced ears • 51 difference between parental authority in theory—where the rules are made—and in the real world. Yes, they needed my consent to have their ears professionally pierced. But just as my daughter and her friend went on to do it themselves, today, without our permission, our adultsin -training are making adult-type decisions about sex. Because they can, and do, have sex without our consent or knowledge , the issue of their access to the related health care is an important one. This issue was on the agenda at the very first board meeting I attended at Permian Basin Planned Parenthood in 1971 in Odessa, Texas. The board members argued long and loudly about whether to require parental consent for a minor to get birth control. They reached a very foolish compromise to dispense birth control to teenagers who already had what they called an “illegitimate” child. Whereupon the wise county judge, a board member on the losing side of the vote, exclaimed, “Now if that ain’t shuttin’ the barn door after the cow’s got out!” The debate continues to rage in Congress and state legislatures. The resulting social policy often deals with parent-child relationships concerning sexual matters, not with supportive services and compassion , but with punitive legislation that fruitlessly attempts to force communication in the least appropriate situations. When we mandate parental consent by law for birth control or abortion, we do not achieve the laudable goal of improving family communication. Instead, we rob our teenagers of the opportunity to take responsibility for their sexual health: something they genuinely want to do, and we put them at great risk of harm. Let’s pay attention to these teenagers who could, and did, make their own decisions about birth control. Some of them speak from their now-adult vantage point. Eleven stories follow, but I could have included eleven hundred, all echoing the same theme: My parents would kill me if they knew I was having sex. At least this way I’m protected and I feel like I’m being respon- 52 • Growing up sible. When the time comes to tell them I can at least say I was protected the whole time and I can choose to tell them myself instead of them finding out cause I’m pregnant. —Megan, age fifteen My first visit to a clinic was when I was fifteen. I was thinking about becoming sexually active with my boyfriend. I wanted to be smart about it but I also know there was no way I could tell my folks. Therefore I probably wouldn’t be able to afford services . They’ve always worked around my financial situations and I don’t know what I’d do without them. —Beth, age eighteen I have been living on my own since I was seventeen. Without birth control I don’t know what I would have done. I am one of the few girls I know who hasn’t had an abortion. —Sara, age nineteen I first came to the clinic at age sixteen when I didn’t feel comfortable talking to my mother about birth control. Because they helped me afford the pill, I have not gotten pregnant, and I am able to keep from getting pregnant until...