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Questions Mormons Never Ask
- University of North Texas Press
- Chapter
- Additional Information
Questions Mormons Never Ask j When we gave up polygamy did we surrender religious principle to secular humanism? Was the fear of jail the beginning of monogamy? Why didn’t Brigham Young keep going until he got to California where polygamy is popular? Mormons would be as entrenched in Hollywood as the Church of Scientology. If marriages made in the Mormon Temple are not until “death do us part” but forever, isn’t that a long time to spend with one woman? Is it too late to reinstitute polygamy? Is being a Muslim martyr out of the question? Do women live longer than men because it takes them longer to get ready for anything, even heaven? If incest is so bad, why did God choose that way for the children of Adam and Eve to reproduce? Why did it take Southern Baptists so long to understand what Joseph Smith knew before he talked to the angel Moroni? Wives are to be submissive. It doesn’t matter whether you are wife number one or wife number ten. When your husband says you are good in bed, does that mean you are number one or number ten? When Jesus said the first shall be last and the last shall be first, was he speaking of Mormon wives? If men are punished for their own sins and not Adam’s transgression, why are women punished for Eve’s temptation of Adam? If work is the cure for want, why is it that the more you work, the more you want? 97 What if someone found the gold plates revealed to Joseph Smith and they contained the Southern Baptist “Faith and Message ?” If “men are that they might have joy,” as the Good Book of Mormon says, why can’t they share a little of it with women? If my life is the only Bible some people will ever see, are they reading the glossed edition? Is our doctrine that it is impossible to be saved in ignorance the reason Rush Limbaugh is not a Mormon? John Ashcroft? David Duke? When the dead are baptized, do they walk in the newness of life? How did Joseph Smith get the keys to the kingdom from St. Peter? Did the pope object? Was the Great Salt Lake formed when one of Brigham Young’s wives looked back or when she took a sip of tea? Instead of sending seagulls to save our crops, why didn’t God sent train tickets to some place the Olympic committee wouldn’t want to visit? If God could send seagulls to save our crops, why can’t he send washing machines to save our backs? Could the teeth of Donnie and Marie be called “The Pearls of Great Price?” When doing the required two years of missionary service, why isn’t Paris, France as efficacious as Paris, Texas? When the meek inherit the earth, will it look like the Great Salt Lake Desert? Is that reserved for the Ten Lost Tribes of Israel ? Would God give them California after we have lived here all these years? If the holy garment protects you from physical as well as spiritual danger, why does Orin Hatch always look like he has sand in his shorts? 98 SLOUCHING TOWARD ZION AND MORE LIES ...