Slouching toward Zion and More Lies

Onan Comes In From the Cold

Onan Comes In From The Cold j When John was born, his mother said, “It’s a boy.” When Roybal was born, she said, “Another boy.” When John was a child, his mother told friends, “He’s a good boy.” When Roybal was a child, she told strangers, “I wanted another child but not this one.” In Chillicothe Middle School, John was called Big John. John liked being called Big John. Roybal was called Roybal and boys stretched it out and accented the last syllable— Royyyy-bullllll. Roybal hated his name although his mother said he was named after a movie star. When he got to college where there was a library, he discovered the movie star was Royal Ballet. In high school Big John made good grades because he was an athlete with boyish charm and joked with his teachers. He never did homework because he was too busy chasing balls, girls, or a good time. He scored high on exams because the smart kids passed him the answers to win his smile. Roybal made bad grades because he was smarter than his brother or anyone else in his school but he wanted to be liked and the smartest kid was never liked. He never did homework because he already knew all that stuff. He aced exams but his teachers gave him bad grades because they thought he cheated. In the faculty lounge, teachers agreed that if over-achieving but ethically-challenged John used his charm to solicit favors from others until he was powerful enough to obtain favors for others he could become a high income lobbyist and/or Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. If he found a heart and soul he 83 could be a movie star or own a chain of grease bucket fry joints. “Big John couldn’t find hell with a whore,” the principal said. The teachers agreed that if Roybal continued his abject isolation he would spend his life in jail or a homeless shelter. If he used Big John’s charm and relied on Big John’s ethical deficiency he could become a land developer or insurance adjuster. “Roybal couldn’t get to heaven if he had wings,” the principal said. In college Big John flunked out the middle of his sophomore year because he spent his days telemarketing financial security and his nights selling romance. Roybal found college to his liking. Intelligence was accepted, even admired. Study was encouraged, even required. Others wanted to be his lab partner or in his study group, even girls. Some of them invited him to study over coffee in the student lounge but Roybal left campus alone. Roybal had detached himself from others so completely to escape rejection that he no longer knew how to make contact. He had avoided looking at or listening to others so long to elude ridicule that he didn’t notice their smiles or respond to their greetings. “If he gets married he’ll have to hire a best man,” classmates said. “If he gets married he’ll have to buy a bride,” lab partners responded. Roybal shared an apartment with his brother because he usually didn’t have to talk to the women Big John brought home and because it was free. Big John shared an apartment with Roybal because on tax forms he claimed the apartment as his office and Roybal as his secretary. And, because to Big John, DVD was miraculous. Also the dish washer, washing machine, computer, and microwave. He prayed to them almost every day. John was a selective eater. A quiet romantic restaurant when he was with a woman, a grease grill when he was with Roybal. Roybal was a sure eater. When John said, “You want to eat here?” Roybal said, “Sure.” Roybal was John’s best friend. Whoever John was with was John’s best friend. Or the only woman he had ever loved. John 84 SLOUCHING TOWARD ZION AND MORE LIES was Roybal’s only friend. Roybal set the DVD, loaded the dish washer and washing machine, logged Big John on the internet, printed and faxed Big John’s contracts, recovered files Big John had lost and microwaved Big John’s breakfast. John didn’t take Roybal for granted. Big John didn’t take anyone for granted. Until he no longer needed them. He needed Roybal and he needed Roybal to be happy. Big John did not like...