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81 ANOTHER GOVERNESS I look at the crib. I look at the window. I look along the top of the wall. I look at the faces, gray faces, gray masks of women’s faces. Every mouth is open. The Master watches. He watches through the mouths in the masonry. I throw the tray at the wall. I throw the pitcher at the wall. I hit the wall with the chair. I breathe hard. I put the chair on the carpet. I sit on the chair. I look down. I look at my foot. I hear a puff of air. It comes from my foot, from the hole in my foot. There are no more fluids in my foot. There is air. I am very slim. I am very light and slim. I am very dry. I am filled with air. I hear the puff. It does not come from my foot. It comes from above. It comes through the mouth of the mask. The Master is speaking softly. He whispers. He doesn’t want her to hear. He doesn’t want them to hear. He is breathing a word. I don’t know the word. I can’t hear the word. I stand. I can’t hear the word. The Master breathes the word through the wall, through the mask in the 36 82 JOANNA RUOCCO wall. I open a book. I flip through the book. I put my fingers in the book. My mouth comes close to the book. Is this the word? I say. Is this the word? There is no one in the nursery. I breathe hard. I breathe louder than the Master. I can’t hear him breathe. I can’t hear him speak. I touch a page of the book. I put my eye on the page, the wet of my eye on the page. The eyelid twitches. It twitches on the page. My eye burns. It leaks fluid. Fluid runs on my face. It runs on the page. I put my mouth on the page. I flatten my mouth on the page. I flatten my nose on the page. I breathe hard. I suck the page. I pull the page between my lips. It pulls against my teeth, against my tongue. I wet the page. I smell the fluids on the page. I smell the page. It has a taste. It has a smell. The Master breathes a word. Is this the word? I can’t hear him. The page comes apart in my mouth. I gag. Is this the word? Is this the word? Is this the word? Yes, it is the word. My mouth knows the word. It is the word that the Master intends for me. It is mine. ...

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