Another Governess / The Least Blacksmith: A Diptych

Chapter 8

17 ANOTHER GOVERNESS My shoes are very large. They gape around my ankles. The soles are rimmed with offal. I have tracked the offal on the carpet in the nursery. The children have noticed the offal, the smell of the offal. They have felt the thicker offal where it smears into the slickness of the fluids. They slip on the offal when they crawl around the table on their knees. I did not intend to track offal on the carpet in the nursery. The smell in the nursery is strengthened by the offal. I must have stepped in offal on the staircase. The dogs drag the offal to the staircase. Flies crawl on the offal. Hornets crawl on the offal. The housekeeper should shovel the offal from the staircase. In a grand house, there is too much for the housekeeper to do. The fabric of the curtains makes dust. The paper on the walls makes dust. The hairs on the dogs make dust. The dust piles up higher and higher. The dust makes the housekeeper weep. She coughs. She weeps. She moves weeping through the rooms. She coughs 8 18 JOANNA RUOCCO on the dust. She weeps on the dust. I hear fluids in her cough. Fluids fall on the dust. They wet the dust. The housekeeper makes sludge. She makes mud. Mud is better than dust. Dust gets inside your nose. It gets inside your mouth. It gets inside your eyes. It makes your mouth spit. It makes your eyes weep. You have mud on your chin, said the farmer. He dropped a rag on my face. The housekeeper wipes mud with a rag. She empties pails. She cleans the high windows in the tower. She looks down at the orchard. The housekeeper sees what happens in the orchard. She sees through the clean windows. She sees the pigs, she sees the dogs. She sees between the black boughs of the trees, long pale hair. My hair is dark. Dark and short. My face is very long. If the housekeeper were to see me, creeping from the orchard, she would not let me near the nursery. She would run from the tower, around and around down the tower, through hall after hall. She would pull her shovel from the offal and block the staircase with her shovel. I would try to hide my dark hair with my hands. I would try to ascend. I would hide my long face with my hair. I would hide my hair with my hands. Up the staircase, the hall leads to the nursery. There is a needle in the nursery, an embroidery needle. There must be an embroidery needle. Girls must learn to embroider. With an embroidery needle, I could embroider a border of flowers on the dress. I could repair the button on the dress. The button dangles. It would go poorly with a border of flowers. I should be able to explain about the button. I should be able to explain about the border. I must have a needle, I would say, through my hair, through my hands. I am wanting a needle. The housekeeper would hear that my voice is changed. She would strike me with her shovel, sever my neck with the edge of her shovel. I will push the housekeeper, but I will slip. I will slip down the staircase. I will slip on the offal. I will bleed from my neck. My head will fall forward and my head will fall back. My chin is 19 ANOTHER GOVERNESS wet. My chest is wet. I run into the curtains. I run into the wall. My head falls back. I see the room upside down. Blood runs up my nose. Blood runs over the lower lids of my eyes. The housekeeper is red. Her shovel is red. I fit my hands inside my neck, all ten knuckles in my neck, but blood comes around my knuckles. My head falls forward. I get on my knees. I put my hands on the floor. I put my head on the floor. The dust makes me cough. I spit blood on the floor. I thicken the dust. I stir with my hands. The dust is thicker and thicker. I swallow blood with my mouth and it comes out my neck. It wets my chin. It wets my chest. I crawl with my head on the floor and push my face...