In lieu of an abstract, here is a brief excerpt of the content:

110 chapter thirty-seven Iwas a very good doll maker, I think. I knew when to pare, when to nick, and what kind of cutting never to use. Over-cutting, I think, ruins as many dolls as it does actual girls,like my older sister. And,though I am now no longer among the living, I used to be a marvelous person. So listen when I say never to hurt yourself or another. I fear there has been much slackening in the profession of being. Some of this is undoubtedly due to the increased use of machines—though in my earlier days, I adored technology to an extreme. Some of the degradation is of course due to the lower status of certain modes of employment—sewing or typing—not to mention low pay. Difficult to say why so many who have so much are just so despondent. My final days at Triple E were a pleasure. Earlier,when I worked in the giant city, each day was a hydroplane and I the tightrope walker upon it. Oh, I appeared to be elated —built up by my riches (happy childhood, success in the movies)—but the truth is, I never quite could fasten my mind on anything for very long—except for the colors. 111 It seemed to others I preferred that. Most of my work at Magic Movies involved filling a massive wall with color, one pale,lucid,shimmering color at a time,until I reached just the right hue of expression. And so the color wall filled up my brain. Yet there was a strangely unsteady feeling inside me, as if I was too contented perhaps? I can’t quite explain it, especially now that I’m dead. I’ll tell you one thing,however. I died by my own hand, by my own hand. I knew it would ruin my parents, and I knew it would ruin my sisters, and I knew it would ruin my brother. But I did it, I did. I had no choice in the matter. The good news is, my sisters love their work at Triple C and at Triple D, and my brother will live out his days in a hard hat at the top of a skyscraper—the hat will, I hope, protect him from the sun’s rays which beating down upon us are relentless in their beauty, the star is unspeakably lovely, it calls out our names one by one one by one one by one. I’m getting away from myself. What I’d like to say is that you forgive me. Go say hello to a toad. Don’t kill any spider. Be strong. ...

Share