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254 13 Coping The previous chapters of this book have dealt with coping primarily in a physical sense. Here, the contributors talk about how deafblindness affects them psychologically and how they cope with this. Being able to manage physically does not guarantee a person is at peace with the disabilities on the inside. In truth, it is rare for a deaf-blind person to be completely accepting of the disabilities. Many people will say, “I accept being deaf-blind,” but in reality, most do not. There is frequently a constant inner struggle to cope and be content. People with degenerative losses in particular struggle to cope with the worsening problems and the changes these force on the way they live. Remembering things that one once enjoyed but can no longer do or experience, such as driving a car or listening to music, can cause depression that is not easily remedied. A possible gauge of a person’s ability to cope is the way in which people dream. Often, a deaf-blind person will be able to see and/or hear in dreams and do things that are not possible in their real lives. This can be a sign of nonacceptance of the disabilities. It can also add to depression and frustration. Angela C. Orlando Does anyone ever achieve full acceptance of their disabilities? Is it truly possible to live this life without depression? I really don’t know, but I think I’m doing well with my own coping. I’ve come to accept my disabilities and the way in which they limit my life. I don’t dwell on that, though. I focus on what I can do and how I can compensate for what I am unable to do. I’m not saying it was easy or that it magically happened all at once. It’s been a long struggle to find peace and acceptance in my life. I’ve stood at the very edge, ready to give into hopelessness and despair. Yet, something would always pull me out, and I’d find a way to move on. Deaf-Blind Reality.indb 254 Deaf-Blind Reality.indb 254 12/07/12 9:41 AM 12/07/12 9:41 AM 255 Coping Many people who are deaf-blind find strength in God and their religious faith. “God gives you only what you can endure.” “Jesus loves you.” “There will be no deaf-blindness in Heaven.” If it helps someone cope, then I guess those sentiments are good for them. It’s all empty words to me. I don’t have any religious background. I don’t even know that I believe in God. I’ve had to find other sources for my own inner strength. I have no doubt of what got me through it all. I have achieved this sense of peace in my life through being Daniel’s mother. The love I have for that child has allowed me to triumph over everything that life has thrown in my way. I feel as if nothing can stop me now. I was hard of hearing and visually impaired when Daniel was born. That seemed hard enough. When he was only six months old, I became so incredibly sick. I lost all hearing, all vision, the use and feeling in my hands, arms, and legs. I couldn’t walk, and I was in so much pain. Add that I was trapped in an abusive marriage. My husband kept me completely under his control, living in a pigsty of a house. He hurt me physically and emotionally. There was sexual abuse, as well. And there was Daniel . . . my son. My baby. He was everything to me. He gave me the power and strength to endure it all. At times, I wanted to die. It was the abuse more than the disabilities that made it so hard. But I couldn’t allow myself to give up. I knew that Daniel needed me. Or maybe I needed Daniel. Just his existence was enough to save my life. I just kept on going. One day at a time. One problem at a time. Somewhere in the middle of all that horror, I realized that I had found acceptance of my disabilities. I was mentally coping with the challenges of deaf-blindness. I found new ways to do what I needed to do. I figured out how to be Daniel’s mother. I realized there was hope for a future again, and I...

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