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5. Academically It Was Better Than a Deaf School,But Socially, Well . . .
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74 In those many conversations I had with adults who had been solitaires, perhaps the most pervasive theme was that their social lives had been discouraging, even dismal. Almost all of the books and articles I read verified as much. In their writings, project participants became conflicted trying to reconcile the advantages that their mainstream education afforded them with their less-than-optimal social experiences. Despite the dif- ficulties they experienced during extracurricular activities, the dearth of quality friendships, the constant lack of access to everyday conversation with fellow students, and the subsequent loneliness, participants were generally satisfied with their academic experience, declaring, “It made me who I am.” When I saw that almost all of the participants discussed this issue, my own belief about this factor was affirmed. I received an excellent education in the Greenwich, Connecticut , public schools and at Washington College. But, as I grow older, I am continuously struck by just how much I missed as a result of my hearing loss during my K–12 and college years and the ongoing impact this has had on my life. I don’t feel the loss on a daily basis, but it comes back to haunt me in ways I little expect. For example, as I revised this chapter, I realized how few specific memories I’ve retained from my junior high and high school years. I have already shared the most entertaining stories from my elementary school years— Academically It Was Better Than a Deaf School, But Socially, Well . . . 5 the fishing, the horrible slumber party, the athletic compliments. When I try to remember my junior high years, however, I see myself walking to school alone (my neighborhood anchors Mary Ellen and Bettina went to the parochial schools in town while I went to the public schools). I see myself walking into my homeroom, feeling self-conscious. I see myself gathering up my books quickly whenever the bell rang, going directly to my next class, sitting down and getting my homework out, waiting for class to start. I never talked to anyone. I felt really uncomfortable. And it seems like this was just life as I knew it, as if this were normal for me. Of course, junior high school is a notoriously difficult time for most of us. We all feel awkward and gawky about our bodies. And having a hearing loss and not knowing what everyone is talking about would surely contribute to a child feeling even more self-conscious and isolated. Still, I remember clearly in both junior and senior high, the other children looked like they were having a good time in the lunchroom, the hallways, the locker room, and the football games. I, on the other hand, felt I was always on the sideline of this good time. When belaboring these social disadvantages, several Solitary Mainstream Project participants went so far as to declare that they were of such severity that no deaf or hard of hearing child should be mainstreamed alone. For them, the loneliness and lack of self-esteem resulting from the pervasive feeling of being different and left out were so damaging as to negate any academic benefits. They now feel angry and regretful about their K–12 years. Most participants, even those who said they would choose to be mainstreamed again, conveyed some sad, if not angry, regrets. They feel that their loneliness could have been lessened if those around them had been more aware of how to help. Virtually all of the suggestions they gave for today’s parents and teachers were aimed at ameliorating the pervasive social isolation apparently inherent in the solitary experience, so that today’s solitaires can have a more satisfying and self-esteem-building school experience. Even those who were pleased with their mainstream educations discussed how their experience could have been improved. In writings such as the following, they anguished over what they saw as the Academically It Was Better Than a Deaf School, But Socially, Well . . . 75 [3.94.150.98] Project MUSE (2024-03-28 10:01 GMT) social and emotional risks posed by the mainstream K–12 setting for today’s deaf and hard of hearing children. And they recognized that reducing these risks is no easy task. I think many things play a role in how a deaf person experiences a mainstreaming education environment. It is clear from my own experience and 76 Alone in the Mainstream My high...