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18. Good-bye, School Days! Hello, World!
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18 {jood-~ Scfurud Vay&! 1ff~ J~)}((}¥ld! THE R E were only a few more weeks of school and none of us had decided definitely what we'd do the next year. I think we were afraid to talk about our plans for fear ofwhat the others would say. We weren't quite ready to face up to really cutting loose from everything familiar and dear, and this place was a second home now. Some nights I couldn't sleep after lights-out and would raise the shade and stand looking out at the quiet campus. What to do? Come back? Stay home? Get a job? If so, what job? Who wanted to hire a deaf person? I thought of the poster, "Uncle Sam Wants You," but did he mean me-someone who couldn't hear? My deafness hadn't bothered me in the past but now I thought ofso many things-the way I was politely passed over when someone in the church wanted something done, the quick snicker when I misunderstood something said to me, and other little things. Ifit was like that among people who knew me, what would it be like without Mama or someone here at school to make me 274 Good-bye, School Days! Hello, World! 275 feel like I was a person too? Then I thought ofwhat Mama always told me: I was just as intelligent as anyone else and could do anything the rest could do; I should hold my head up and be proud; I shouldn't get angry or feel hurt because of a few laughs at my mistakes. She always said it was for the lack of sense on their part, that they didn't know any better. And Jesus was always there beside me. So encouraged, I considered the possibilities of what I could do. I wanted to help with the war somehow. I could cook, sew, type, help out in nursing-anything else, I was willing to learn. I wanted to work with Uncle Sam, but did Uncle Sam want me? Should I marry? What sort of marriage could I have? Two deaf people in a house unable to hear what was outside? But did a hearing person want to marry a deafone? Children? Wouldn't they be ashamed of having a mother who couldn't hear them talk? So I decided marriage and children were out. I'd get tired going in circles and go to bed. One day, someone came and said the four ofus-Madga, Margie , Jessie, and I-were wanted in the office. Oh, wow. We looked at each other. What had we done? No one was in there except Miss Watford and Mr. Mask. He told us to go into the library and be seated. This sounded grim. Mr. Mask and Miss Watford joined us, looking sort ofsad and very serious. Mr. Mask opened things up, with Miss Watford serving as interpreter. "Butler, you're the oldest and assistant to Mrs. Nelson," he began. "So what have you all been doing breaking rules?" "Me?" Margie was indignant. "I didn't break the rules. I've done nothing." "Somebody did." He fixed his eyes on the rest of us. "And you didn't report it." Silence from everybody. He started again. [3.236.101.52] Project MUSE (2024-03-29 14:23 GMT) 276 A NEW KIND OF LIFE "You all used to ask permission to go to the store, now you just walk." More silence. "Herring, what do you say?" "The store is only a little way, just across the road. We didn't think anybody cared." "And where else did you go? I met you all coming in one night." So he'd known all along. I looked at my friends. Madga spoke up: "It's no matter. I'm not coming back next year anyway, so you can expel or fire me now." My heart went straight down. I wanted to cry and tell her, "Not yet, let's have another year. Just one more." "Oh, pshaw," Mr. Mask said. "We're not talking about expelling anyone. All of you'll be back. We just want you girls to be more responsible and help Mrs. Nelson with the children. You all are teachers now. We want you to act like it, be more mature." Then Jessie had her say. "Don't count on me. My family is moving to Springfield, Massachusetts and I'm going too." My world was falling apart...