Thank God for the slam book! I got a glimpse of one in junior high and knew I had to make my own. It gave me my first good view of the thoughts and interests of the kids I saw every day. The books were jerrybuilt by taking a pad of paper and putting a different question in each page: "What's your favorite song?" "What makes you want to puke?" They were my introduction to the fun of taking public opinion polls. Since some of the questions were ones like "What's your least favorite class?" respondents had to be careful not to let the book get into enemy hands while they were writing. The name "slam book" could have come from how quickly the books were stashed when a teacher approached. Some of my classmates became easier to speechread because they began to realize that they needed to talk to me faceto -face without mumbling. But high school was also the time lots of us had braces, and all that metal did weird things to the shape of the lips. I "talked" with my friends largely by writing notes. No teacher ever caught me passing notes-or at least none made an issue of it. But it was a pretty unsatisfying form of communication because I couldn't get an immediate response to what I wrote. 39 Seeds of Disquiet I didn't have friends that I could hang out with. It wasn't that people didn't try to establish friendships. A lot did. I just wasn't good at building or sustaining a relationship because speechreading was so hard. I hated the stress of having to concentrate every minute. It was much easier to be by myself and free of pressure. Like most high schools, mine had a lot of different "crowds." I liked my classmates no matter what group they belonged to. Maybe that explains why they selected me as their "D.A.R. Good Citizen" during my senior year. I joined a lot of clubs because I liked variety and hands-on activities. I worked on the school newspaper and reported school activities for the local paper, the Lock Haven Express. I was on the yearbook staff and in the French Club, the Art Club, and the Future Teachers Club. Volunteer work in the library was a great favorite; I stamped books, typed, and reshelved materials. For my assistance with publicity for class plays, I was rewarded with membership in the National Thespian Society. When I had problems that seemed insurmountable, I went for long walks in the Woolrich woods. My journeys took me deep into the pine forests, but I never felt afraid. It was as if the trees sheltered and comforted me. When I couldn't get to the woods, I'd write. Finding a way to articulate my worries on paper helped me deal with them and see that they weren't as overwhelming as they'd looked. And as my writing skills improved , I entered and won several essay contests. My Girl Scout badge collection started to gather dust. No adult stepped forward to serve as leader for the senior scout troop. For a while, I helped the director of my former troop. I liked the feeling that I had something to offer the younger children when they were working on crafts. Mom had encouraged me to do a Christmas project every year, making angels from old telephone books or decorations from doilies. I discovered that I liked designing things, and that led me to try other pro40 [44.206.227.65] Project MUSE (2024-03-28 12:00 GMT) Seeds of Disquiet jects. The roses I made from tissue paper were such a hit that Mom asked me to teach her garden club the technique. That popular teenage activity, babysitting, was one of the things I did plenty of during high school. Mom started to work part-time, saving money-college for four kids was no longer in the distant future. Gayle also started working, so I often cared for Randy and David. Randy was like Gayle had been, an easy kid to watch and entertain. David, unfortunately, took after me-he was a real hellion. My sister was a hot commodity when it came to watching other people's children because she thought a babysitter was supposed to be a total homemaker substitute. She didn't just watch kids; she tidied up houses and did dishes. When she...