Making Love Just: Sexual Ethics for Perplexing times

Introduction

1 Introduction Where Do We Draw Our Lines, and Why? An Invitation to Ethical Inquiry Art, like morality, consists in drawing the line somewhere. Gilbert K. Chesterton1 Like it or not, today we are all pioneers, picking our way through uncharted and unstable territory. The old rules are no longer reliable guides. Stephanie Coontz2 T his book is an invitation to ethical inquiry about sex and sexual values. Given all the personal conflicts and cultural controversies that continue to swirl around human sexuality, an ethical guide for those who find themselves sexually perplexed seems necessary. Who among us is ever surprised to hear people say that they are not well prepared to engage in ethical deliberation about these matters? We might even include ourselves among those who feel both challenged and ill prepared. Historian Dagmar Herzog, in writing about sex in crisis in contemporary United States culture, comments: “There is much titillating talk about sex in America, yet there is little talk about sex that is morally engaged and affirmative.”3 This book seeks to correct this sorry state of affairs by modeling an alternative discourse that is both sex-positive and ethically principled. I do so because as a Christian ethicist I am persuaded that something far better than “sex in crisis” is possible, but the question remains, how might we get to that better place? Movement forward requires at least three things from us. First, we must not become so fearful of conflict that we try to avoid it at all costs or rush to settle matters without carefully sorting things out. Second, we must ask the right questions. 2 | making love just Otherwise, despite our best efforts, we are likely to miss the mark. Third, we must engage the rich moral wisdom found not only in the Christian (and other religious) traditions, but also among contemporary feminist, LBGTQ (lesbian, bisexual, gay, transgender, and queer or questioning), and anti-racism scholars and activists. If we disregard alternative voices or dismiss emerging perspectives about contested matters, we risk cutting ourselves off from sources of fresh moral insight. In ethics as in life, to whom we pay attention and what we notice as important make all the difference. Because ethics, like art, is about figuring out where to draw one’s lines, the process of ethical inquiry takes perseverance and skill. Even with these in evidence, sometimes the effort still goes awry. Whenever that happens, bad ethics, like bad art, must be critiqued, packed up, and discarded. However, good ethics, like good art, requires public display and deserves wide public engagement because of its power to stimulate our imaginations and enrich community life. As artists testify, it is possible to develop into a better artist, but sharpening one’s “eye” and refining one’s skills take time and practice. The same holds true for those seeking to become more adept as ethical practitioners. Any ethical guide about human sexuality worth its salt should assist readers in making sense of a broad range of sexual issues and also help them generate effective action responses. My hope is that this guide will promote both sound thinking and sound action. After all, the aim of ethical inquiry is not only to understand, but also to transform the world out of the recognition that not everything is as it should be and out of the belief that change is possible. My intended audience is people who, like myself, are disquieted about a host of sexuality issues, but find that they have little or no tolerance for moralisms or ethics by taboo. They are ready for the hard work necessary to clarify what is just and loving, and they are committed to act on that moral wisdom even when there may be heated disagreements about the right course to follow. For this reason, ethical inquiry is not for the fainthearted. It takes courage to plunge into and stick with this process of discerning how to enhance the human and planetary good. When confronted by moral perplexities, including perplexities about sexuality and relational intimacy, philosopher Anthony Weston reminds us that it is seldom enough to “follow our feelings” or “fly by instinct.” People “come to ethics,” he writes, “to learn how to live,” or, again, in order to learn to live mindfully.4 Such reflection typically starts when conflict stirs inside us, plays out between us and others , or perhaps does both. Moral ambiguity surfaces when we register that there is more than one credible choice...