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CHAPTER NINE The Unbearable Whiteness of Being Thomas Ross Prelude: Coming to New Haven I REHEARSED THE EXCUSES I might offer to Jean. "It's a difficult time for me to be away.... My son has an important athletic event that weekend.... I have such a limited travel budget, and I am already committed ." I could think of many things to say; none of them rang true. When I promised Jean Stefancic that I would come to the Critical Race Theory Conference at Yale and be part ofher panel, it had seemed like a great idea. It would be a historic event, everyone would be there, nothing could be more important, it seemed. But as the weekend rapidly approached and the discounted airline ticket had to be bought or lost, I hesitated. I knew why. First, although I knew some of the people who would be there, I could count none ofthem as a close friend. In that sense, I would be alone. I imagined the social events, the lunches, the breaks between sessions, the dinners. With whom would I sit? With whom would I speak? Would I look foolish? I dreaded above all else the Friday evening dinner, an "audienceparticipatory musical extravaganza!" I imagined looking particularly idiotic, halfheartedly clapping to the music, hopelessly out of rhythm. All things considered, the Critical Race Theory Conference began to look like an academically enticing yet socially dubious proposition. But I discerned what appeared to be another reason for my hesitation, residing a little deeper in my consciousness. You see, I'm a White man. Although I knew that the conference would be multiracial, including other Whites, I also knew that this gathering would be importantly different from most of the other academic conferences I might attend. Scholars ofcolor would dominate this conference, both in sheer numbers and, perhaps more important, in clout. The planners, the showcase speakers, the "big shots" were almost all scholars of color.1 As a White man, in this place, for this time, I would be a racial minority. Some of those present might discount me and my ideas on race precisely and simply because of my racial status. Put simply, as the Critical Race Theory Conference loomed on the horizon, I felt more and more uncomfortable about attending. Some of the reasons would have applied to almost any conference. But some ofthose reasons seemed uniquely a product 252 THE UNBEARABLE WHITENESS OF BEING of my own racial identity and the racial nature ofthis conference. Quite obviously, I decided to attend the conference. Sitting in the plane on the way to New Haven, Connecticut, I rehearsed my talk silently and thought about my discomfort . I saw this discomfort as a window into what would be the theme of my talk and of this essay-the idea of White privilege . I knew, as we descended into New York, that I had actually been playing mind games all along. What I feared, really, was finding no friendly face at my dinner table or some other social disaster. I did not really fear that others would discount my ideas on race; I did not really worry that my race would be a liability. How could I truly think that my Whiteness could be a source of insecurity? As a White man, who had grown up outside the harrowing field of poverty, I had been taught that I presumptively belonged anywhere ; that I was presumptively worthy in any respect and knew what I was talking about, on race or whatever. I would walk through this gathering as any other White, buoyed by White privilege, expecting the disfavor of some in the audience but not really very worried about it.2 And so I went to New Haven and, after finding some friendly strangers with whom I shared lunch, I dutifully reported to the assigned room and delivered a talk more or less along the lines of what follows under the heading, "Unbearable Whiteness." Unbearable Whiteness As we enter the new millennium, with the institutions ofslavery and apartheid receding ever further in the wake of history, our society seems as riven as ever over race. Our contemporary flash points-affirmative action, illegal immigrants, O.J.-expose the great racial divide. How is it that, after so many years, so much blood, and in the midst ofso many professions ofgood faith, race and racism remain social fixtures? The fact that many Whites are unabashed racists is part, and a big part, ofthe answer. These...

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