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5. “Sister Outsiders” How the Students and I Came Out
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Chapter 5 “Sister Outsiders” How the Students and I Came Out Mary Anne Adams Being “out” is vital to my well-being, and using words such as lesbian and feminist to describe myself is as natural as breathing! I don’t use the phrase same-gender loving or even womanist, because I am not trying to make my life more palatable for Black folks or anyone else. My efforts to develop a scholarship fund for “out” Black lesbians was considered by some to be groundbreaking, but I didn’t see it that way; it was simply my desire to give back and help others as so many had helped me. I am continually inspired by the essays of the late Audre Lorde because they challenge Black lesbians, in particular, to embrace all of whom we are in whatever work we do. No doubt about it, Audre Lorde, a poet laureate of New York State who taught at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, loved audacious statements and actions. In Sister Outsider Lorde writes: Perhaps for some of you here today, I am the face of one of your fears. Because I am woman, because I am Black, because I am lesbian, because I am myself—a Black woman warrior poet doing my work—come to ask you, are you doing yours?1 Lorde’s life and writings inspired a group of Black lesbians to found the organization ZAMI, Inc.,2 a not-for-profit collective for lesbians of African descent residing in the Atlanta metropolitan area. ZAMI’s mission is to empower and affirm the lives of lesbians of African descent through advocacy, education, leadership development, scholarship funds, support/discussion groups, social outreach , and other activities. The organization also provides a forum and affirming space for the voices of lesbian writers of color. ZAMI sponsors special programs to develop the leadership potential of young lesbians and to honor the life and 83 84 Mary Anne Adams legacy of Audre Lorde. Although I was not a founding member, I founded and became the primary organizer for its Audre Lorde Scholarship Fund. I am the current board chair of ZAMI and its former executive director. The Audre Lorde Scholarship Fund was started initially to support the continuing education of “out” lesbians of African descent who are making significant contributions to their communities. Being “out” is defined in ZAMI as acknowledging lesbian/gay identity to oneself and to family and/or friends.3 The story behind the scholarship fund, like that of many of its recipients, and my own life have unfolded in similar ways. Like Audre Lorde, the scholarship fund, its recipients and I have struggled to find our way, come of age, get through the fire, find joy and keep standing tall. Audre reminds us: The quality of light by which we scrutinize our lives has direct bearing upon the product which we live, and upon the changes which we hope to bring about through those lives. It is within this light that we form those ideas by which we pursue our magic and make it realized.4 Finding Our Way I was born on a beautiful fall day in the rolling hills of north Mississippi just four short months after the historical Supreme Court decision in Brown vs. Board of Education. This ruling declared mandatory segregation in 21 states unconstitutional. Even though this decision wouldn’t have an immediate impact on many black communities, it would later change my life in ways both large and small. I’m the second oldest child born into a family of 10 children—5 boys and 5 girls. I was a very shy, very introverted child who felt things very deeply. My best friends in early childhood were books that allowed me to dream of infinite possibilities. My family lived in 9 different places by the time I was 16 because we were often unable to pay the rent and would move just on the heels of eviction . My mother was constantly overwhelmed by life. She was pregnant more often than not and died of ovarian cancer at age 43. Growing up, I remember feeling out of place and sometimes disjointed from my family. My favorite uncle molested me when I was 5 years old, and the part of me that had been innocent and open turned inward and became more withdrawn. As far back as I can remember, I was told that I was born with “a veil over my face,” which meant...