Gap Year: How Delaying College Changes People in Ways the World Needs

3. Changes in Relationships

3 Changes in Relationships The Importance of Relationships during the Gap Year Relationships played an important part in the gap year; in fact, volunteers sometimes said that the relationships they made were the highlight of their year, the way they learned the most about the country, or even the principal cause of their changes from the gap year. These relationships were wide-ranging; volunteers developed close friendships and “intense relationships” with local people, their volunteering partner, and other gap year volunteers. Even more, volunteers often thought of their friendships with local people as a benchmark of their integration into the local community. Gap year participants felt that the longterm nature of the program was especially helpful in developing relationships with local people. One expressed that “local people are far more likely to invest in you if you’re not just passing through and you are living there—those relationships, those friendships and bonds you create, they make the year so special.” Volunteers shared how they continued relationships with people from their gap year experiences through college—and some, for many years after college. It was common for them to return to their gap year community, often during summer breaks, and to keep in touch with friends abroad through letters, email, social media sites, research, or even financial support or advocacy. Engaging with Others With the volunteers’ increased senses of agency, confidence, and self-understanding discussed in the previous chapter, participants often described changes in how they interacted with others after their year. Many found it easier to en- Changes in Relationships 49 gage with others effectively. Florence attributed this to the confidence and selfknowledge she gained volunteering in South Africa: “Overall, I feel a greater confidence in myself, in my abilities to work with children and live and make friends with so many different people. I have also found that I know myself better in different situations and I am now more inclined to meeting new people without feeling shy and reserved.” Maria felt a similar effect from volunteering in India: “I have a greater perspective of the world and that has helped me to be more confident around people who I don’t know. I feel like I can talk easily with people I meet for the first time and I have a lot of confidence around kids.” Participants saw their year as improving their social skills, public speaking skills, or other social competencies. Robert, for instance, said: “I feel I have far more confidence talking to different kinds of people. The ability to speak my mind in large groups has improved.” Likewise, Liz, a volunteer in Cambodia, emphasized her new interpersonal capabilities: “Possibly the most valuable skill I have gained whilst being overseas is confidence. I am now able to speak well and with an air of confidence to big groups and also can adapt to interacting with new people more efficiently than I could before I went away.” Volunteers also felt better able to interact with a broad range of people. Highlighting this, Becky shared the following: “My interpersonal and communication skills have improved from my experiences over the year, as I gained a lot of experience involving dealing with people, whether they are very young children, older children or adults.” Like Becky, many felt that their life in their hometowns had primarily involved interacting with peers, while their gap year induced interactions with people of all ages and from different cultures. This was certainly true of Holly, a volunteer in Honduras: “Before, I lived in a bubble of friends and people my age. Now I genuinely enjoy being with people of all ages.” Another volunteer said: “I’m more able to relate to more people because I met people I would not otherwise have met.” Volunteers also thought this breadth of social experience made them more open-minded about others.As one put it: “I get on with people better—over the gap year you meet new people; you become more open minded about others. I really try not to go on first impressions anymore . . . and plus I am more confident so I can engage with more people.” The resulting interpersonal confidence often made volunteers more willing to meet others and make new friends. For instance, one volunteer shared: “I am more interested in people now. I see they have more to offer, and so do I.” A 50 Experiencing the Gap Year volunteer...