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Habit #2. Build an Adult Relationship with Your Parents
- Johns Hopkins University Press
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31 Habit #2 I n one remarkable—but not unusual—week, I had visits to Johns Hopkins University from two sets of parents. One father flew to Baltimore from Singapore to argue, on his daughter’s behalf, over an academic policy. What distinguished this visit was not the distance traveled, but that the policy was so simple and unshakeable. His daughter was more than a semester’s credits short of graduation, and yet he claimed that the university had suggested she could graduate early. We had not. He was wrong and flew a long way home emptyhanded . In the second case that week, a student’s parents had flown from Oahu, Hawaii—for the second time in two weeks! The mother had visited alone the week before. Now both parents were on my calendar, joined by their son. They came because their son had been struggling academically and was on probation. As I sat with this couple, questions ran through my mind. Why had they come so far for such a short appointment? What did they think they were going to accomplish by sitting with me? What kind of relationship did they have with their son that they thought this was a good idea? The son certainly was not comfortable with this and sat through most of the appointment staring off into space. What could I tell them to get them to leave this young man alone? And, of course, should they leave him alone? What role should they play in his college experience—his intellectual development and his personal life—that would help the student succeed and mature to adulthood? Build an Adult Relationship with Your Parents An Open Letter to New College Students about Parents kathryn stuart, d.m.a. dean of studies and vice president for strategic initiatives oberlin college Dear new college students, You’ve graduated from high school and have been accepted to the school of your choice. You’ve finished helping your parents pack your belongings and are ready to start the trip to your college. Already, your parents are giving you advice—and lots of it—about what to do and not to do (and how to do whatever it may be), as though they have not had nearly 18 years to help you make good choices and “do the right thing.” You may be feeling testy, nervous, anxious, sad about leaving your family and friends, but generally eager to start college. And you really don’t get the way your parents are acting. Your parents are liberally ladling out this advice because they suddenly realize there may be a few really important things they haven’t told you, and they also may be having a hard time remembering their own experiences leaving home. And, most importantly, you are their child, they love you, and they desperately want you to succeed—happily and in good health—at college and beyond. The arrival on campus brings orientation sessions. During one, some dean suggests that students and their parents should talk, before parents leave campus, about how students will communicate with their parents—both the good and the not-so-good news, the accolades from professors as well as the occasional bad news about midterm and final grades (not all of which may be what you were accustomed to earning in high school). The dean says that the role your parents play during your college career may be critically important to your success and happiness in college, whether or not you can imagine this right now. You will also choose a number of advisors and mentors from the faculty and professional staff members you meet on campus who will provide you with a range of support that will enhance your education. ➸ ➸ [18.222.23.119] Project MUSE (2024-04-17 19:53 GMT) Like Oberlin College, most colleges and universities state their educational goals for students. At Oberlin these include ◗ to graduate students who have learned to think with intellectual rigor, creativity, and independence; ◗ to offer a superb liberal arts education; ◗ to open the world to its students and develop in them the skills and knowledge they will need to engage with and navigate in highly diverse communities and in a global society; ◗ to nurture students’ social consciousness and environmental awareness; ◗ to provide outstanding preparation for success at the highest level of graduate and professional education and in careers.* These statements help us understand and appreciate the value of a college education. A student who...