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Penis, Testicles, and Vagina “Nderr-the-Penis and Mberr-the-Testicles were very good friends. It was rumored that you could not see one without the other. They were like a palm branch and a cluster of palm nuts, for is it not known that the cluster rests on the branch?” “You said it.” “People say they were like the head and the hand, neither sleeps without the other.” “Yes, like finger and nail.” “On this day, our two friends go fishing at nki Mbu. You know nki Mbu; the river has a reputation for the big mbwe tseb nesting in its bowels. The Beba say a man can chew his fingers off eating this mudfish when cooked by a real Beba woman . . .” “Yes, a Beba woman who can’t cook this fish isn’t a woman . . .” “So, our two friends go fishing and catch a lot of mbwe. It so happens that on their way home they meet Nekwerr-the-Vagina. No one knows where she’s coming from. She won’t say either. “‘Has the evening touched your faces?’ she greets them. “‘And yours too?’ they greet back. “‘Where are you coming from?’ “‘We went fishing at nki Mbu.’ “Vagina begs for some of the succulent fish whose flesh is as white as a Calabar yam. The friends aren’t too happy about parting with some of their mbwe tseb. After some hesitation, Penis decides to give Vagina some of his catch. He tells himself, 131 You are reading copyrighted material published by Ohio University Press/Swallow Press. Unauthorized posting, copying, or distributing of this work except as permitted under U.S. copyright law is illegal and injures the author and publisher. ‘You cross a river easily in the morning but on your return in the evening you might find the river flooded and the man you greeted with a sweet tongue in the morning will carry you across.’ “Testicles, however, refuses to give Vagina any of his fish. He complains that the fishing expedition was a disaster. The mudfish would not leave the comfort of their warm muck, he fibs. Testicles reasons that one does not feed a fowl on the day one takes it to the market. After all, people say that a person who loves to eat fish should learn to be a fisherman; one who eats a lot of meat should learn to be a hunter. ‘We didn’t catch much,’ he lies again to Vagina. Vagina thanks Penis. She tells Penis she’ll smoke the fish and then invite him to a meal. “The rainy season that year is uneventful but the dry season comes hot on its heels. The heat that year is so harsh the sun burns all the grass on the hills. Luckily, the planting season is still a few moons away. It is during that short period of rest preceding the clearing of the land and the planting of crops that Penis and Testicles leave for Bombe to visit some relatives. They know if they miss this opportunity, they’ll have to wait for the rest period after the next harvest season. Their trip goes well. They find their relatives in good health and are thankful. They begin their return journey on a Nshialah. It is very hot and villages where they can stop to rest are few and far between. But fortune often smiles on the man who sows good seeds in his farm. “It so happens that the two friends meet Vagina, who had gone to the stream to carry some water. When Vagina sees them huffing and puffing under the sun, she reminds herself that when a river travels alone it often meanders and she offers Penis shelter from the flaming sun. Penis is overwhelmed with so refreshing and comfortable a refuge. Testicles begs and cries and pleads with Vagina for a little relief.” “And what does she say?” 132 / Makuchi You are reading copyrighted material published by Ohio University Press/Swallow Press. Unauthorized posting, copying, or distributing of this work except as permitted under U.S. copyright law is illegal and injures the author and publisher. “Vagina gives him a few drops of her water. He gobbles them up and pleads for more. She tells him to content himself with what she’s offered or she’ll cut him off. She does, however, remind him of the saying that dirty water also puts out a fire. ‘Be grateful that I’m going to stay friends...

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