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SEVEN
- Texas Tech University Press
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SEVEN I had to hurry to catch up to Mai Trừng. I was running out of time. If I didn’t rush after her, I wasn’t sure that I’d even have time to beg for forgiveness . Who knows, perhaps she still thought that I was hunting her. But I wasn’t, and if she had some supernatural intuition, I hoped that she’d somehow recognize my heart’s sincerity and benevolence. There was no resentment or poison left there. I felt drained of energy. I was weakening little by little. But I knew that I would, with the help of Phũ’s Toyota Corona, keep trying to find her. I put two boxes of bottled water and two cardboard boxes of food in the back seat. Bread, canned meat, and some canned fruits and vegetables— enough water and provisions to last two weeks without having to buy a single thing on the road. I had no idea if the food along the way would be tainted with poison meant to kill me. I brought Ki—my only remaining friend and the most dependable as well—along with me. I wrote Thế a letter. I was going to leave it somewhere where he wouldn’t find it for a few days: Brother Thế, if something bad happens to me, don’t be surprised. I’ve sown the seeds of this storm, so now I am going to reap its harvest. The same was true for Phũ and his friends. I know this was cryptic. For materialists like Thế, cause and effect are clear, not like this murky half-light of reasoning. Nobody’s responsible for these disasters at all. Only Evil itself can be blamed for these cruel and obscure deeds. This was even more cryptic. Human beings kill, but no human is ever re- Apoc a l y p se H o t e l 94 sponsible for so many deaths. The responsibility flows from the existence of Evil. Thế, I knew, could never see his own friends and loved ones as evil themselves. I may return, if, for instance, I’m forgiven. But who has the power to forgive in this case? Please, brother, don’t get worked up and come rushing down to find me. I didn’t need to tell him that, I knew he wouldn’t anyway. I wrote the note. Then I tore it up. He’d never understand this letter, written half as a warning, and half like a suicide note. The personal ID card and papers that I carried with me would be enough. If fate took my life, someone would call home and let Thế know what had happened. Instead, I very simply told him that I had something to do and would be gone for a few days. I didn’t say much. I didn’t explain. Many times before I’d gone off like this and Thế never questioned me. But this time I saw a look of anxiety flash through his eyes. By nature, he had a politician’s face. It never revealed his feelings. He never let himself get agitated. He never burst out with happiness, anger, or worry. The more nervous he was, the more this was the case. I drove the car down along Highway 1, working my way south. It was the same road that the teacher Miên, as well as Mai Trừng’s parents, had traveled so many years ago. And it was the same road Mai Trừng herself had just passed along. I didn’t know if I’d be able to follow her trail. But I had to find her before I could find forgiveness. If not, my life would last only a few days more. At lunchtime, I stopped in Thanh Hóa to eat lunch. At dinnertime, I stopped in Vinh to eat dinner. Then I stopped at a simple and clean boardinghouse . At each meal, even though I was tapping into my own provisions , I would let Ki eat first and drink first. Only when he was done with the meal would I start to eat. It was safe this way. I knew that my food hadn’t been poisoned. Anyone looking would have seen a man who loved his dog. A man sitting there and adoringly watching his traveling companion eat until it was full. But the loyal traveling companion in this case fell into the role of an expendable servant, of...