The American Sun & Wind Moving Picture Company

1924

1924 I sat with my back to our stove, and while Regina stood on a chair beside me brushing out my hair, I pictured Eddie walking from his house to mine, crossing the small footbridge that spanned the Menomonee River, and I wondered what it might be like to be Eddie— what it might be like to live a life in which the expectation of seeing me could make someone else happy. Please hurry, I said. I don’t want to be late. You won’t be late, Regina said. And I know you, Mommy . You always get nervous before Eddie comes here. I went to the window, wiped away a circle of frost with the back of my hand. Below, the street was deserted. I glanced in the small mirror nailed to the wall above the sink. Because our room was so cold, it had taken longer than usual for my hair to dry, and the ends were still damp. I sat, and Regina climbed onto the chair and began brushing my hair again. I hope I have hair that’s as beautiful as yours when I grow up, she said. You will, I said. As long and as silky? You’re going to be a very beautiful woman some day. 1924 / 83 Really? Really. As beautiful as you? At least. And if I’m beautiful, will I be happy too? Very. You always say the same things, Regina said. So do you, I said. So do you, she said, and we both laughed. Then I closed my eyes, and drifted into a darkness sweeter than sleep. Except for the hissing of steam from the tea kettle, and the flapping of the shade, where, despite all I’d done to seal off the window, the winds coming off Lake Michigan still sliced their way through, our room was without sound. Later, her mouth close to my ear, Regina blew softly at the hairs on my neck. Does that tickle? she asked. A little bit. But you like it when I blow on you like this, don’t you? Yes. I have a secret question for you. She moved closer so that her lips touched my ear. Is Eddie going to ask you to marry him tonight? she whispered. I heard her scream, saw her leap down from the chair, saw the brush fly into the air. I told you never never to ask me that! I shouted. Didn’t I—? Please don’t be angry with me, Regina said. She grabbed the hairbrush, clutched it to her chest. It’s just that you look so beautiful tonight, with your hair and your uniform, and— Be quiet, I said. Don’t hit me again, Regina said, and she crawled backwards along the floor, her forearm across her eyes. I’ll do anything you want, only please don’t hit me again. I didn’t hit you, I said. Yes you did, she said. You always say you don’t, but you do. The American Sun & Wind Moving Picture Company / 84 Where’s Marvin? I asked. I don’t know. I pulled her arm away from her face. You look at me when I talk to you, young lady. Where is he? You’re hurting me, she said. Tell me. I don’t know, and I don’t care either, she said. I don’t care and I don’t know and I wish he was dead. Me too, I wanted to say. I let go of her arm, closed my eyes to stop the room from spinning, and imagined myself adrift in a small boat on Lake Michigan, the boat rising and falling in the ice-cold swells. Regina had retreated to the pantry. You come out at once and help me look for your brother, I said. I’m going to count to three. I heard Regina sniffle. You didn’t say the magic word, she said. Please come out, I said. I’ll start counting now. One . . . Regina came out. I’ll find him, she said. She wiped her eyes and nose with the back of her hand. I offered her my handkerchief, but she pushed it away, and held her nose. He did it again, she said. I knew it. He did it again and if I step in it I’ll kill him. She pointed to the far end of our room, to...