The Way of Oz: A Guide to Wisdom, Heart, and Courage

9: Loving and Others

To have pleased you, to have interested you, to have won your friendship, and perhaps your love, through my stories, is to my mind as great an achievement as to become President of the United States. L. Frank Baum (1856–1919), “To My Readers” in Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz (1908) There is a continuum of affections, attachments, romantic relationships, and devotions when we think about the love of others. Different people, or some of the same people at different times in their lives, will develop bonds with deities, other people, and nature, including creatures in the animal world. Bringing Others into Your Heart and Mind Years ago, when I was an undergraduate student at St. John’s University in New York, I had several teachers, mainly in theology and philosophy classes, who were priests. One of them recommended reading the Jesuit priest Raoul Plus’s book God within Us. The thesis of the work is that special supernatural benefit is derived from continual and sustained internal dialogue with God. Father Plus referred to it this way: “The end of piety, its object and reward, is intimacy with God [italics in original]. Comparatively few souls attain it. Many imagine it to be an impossibility.” 9 Loving and Others The Way of Oz and Loving.........................126 I was intrigued and moved by Father Plus’s advice, but when I grew older , I came to see that sustained internal devotion to a deity (or perhaps the love within us) is true for people of various belief systems, even nontraditional believers (as for example Frank Baum and his espousal of theosophical beliefs). Our challenge is to avoid exclusivity, thinking ours is the only true path to God (understood differently according to various traditional religious or other beliefs), which leaves worthy others outside our sphere of love. In his 2009 landmark address to a multicultural audience in Cairo, Egypt, President Barack Obama said, “There’s one rule that lies at the heart of every religion—that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. This truth transcends nations and peoples—a belief that isn’t new; that isn’t black or white or brown; that isn’t Christian or Muslim or Jew. It’s a belief that pulsed in the cradle of civilization, and that still beats in the hearts of billions around the world.” This “golden creed” permeates the hearts and minds of all people—Christians, Muslims, or Jews, as well as Buddhists and Hindus, the followers of Confucius, secular humanists, and others. In short, the Golden Rule should extend to all humanity. From Plato and Aristotle to Freud and Jung to Modern Behavioral Researchers For many in our contemporary society where entertainment and media offerings are permeated with sexual innuendo and vulgar expressions, the word love conjures up only images of erotic love. Conversely, the prudish fear of romantic expression and physical love inhibits understanding, not only of the importance of sexuality to human emotional and physical wellbeing but also of the broader concept of love. To appreciate the concept of love in all its forms, it is helpful to look back at its historical and philosophical roots. The ancient Greek philosopher Plato (ca. 427–347 BCE), who was inspired by Socrates (ca. 469–399 BCE) and taught Aristotle (384–322 BCE), organized his understanding of love into three aspects: eros, philia, and agape. Eros is the love of beauty in all its manifestations—from art to ideas to human beings, pursued with passion and a sense of merging or possession. In the context of human relationships, the word eroticism applies. Eros that doesn’t necessarily involve sexual interactions is called platonic love. 127.........................Loving and Other< Philia is the love of others woven into family affections, friendships, and business or professional relationships. Love as philia may or may not be reciprocal , but should be shared. Philia also includes love of work or scholarship , loyalty to one’s institution of employment and love of self, but not (according to the Greek ideal) egocentric, self-glorifying, or hedonistic love. Agape is universal love, or the love of others as oneself, sometimes called “brotherly love.” The concept of agape includes the love of God for his creatures and implies passionate reciprocal devotion. For Christians, agape may include self-sacrificial love—as in martyrdom—for their Messiah. There is obvious overlap among the concepts embodied in eros, philia, and agape, but the distinctions provide some understanding of the different aspects of love that can be embraced as a part of the Way of Oz. Many notable thinkers after the great Greek philosophers—the Roman poet Ovid, the medieval troubadours and poets (including Eleanor of Aquitaine and her uncle William) and their Arabic counterparts, eighteenth- and nineteenth-century novelists (such as Jane Austen and Henry James), twentieth-century psychologists and psychiatrists (such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung), human behavioral researchers (chief among them Alfred Kinsey and the team of William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson), and biological and cognitive psychological researchers also illuminate for us the variations of love. The composite picture of humanity and the human need for love that emerges from their writings includes the love of God; affection for other people, including friends, colleagues, and family members; romantic love; and the love of nature and nature’s creatures. Love of God You may be surprised that two-thirds of the world’s people embrace other faiths than those in the Judeo-Christian tradition. America’s founding fathers , many of whom were Freemasons, understood that an acceptance of beliefs from all the world’s religions was preferable to dogmatism and intolerance . As members of a democratic and pluralistic society we need to adhere to our beliefs, God-centered or not, and approach relationships with others based on kindness and a respect for their beliefs even if we cannot fully embrace them. Kindness, or what LeCompte calls a love of “love and kindness,” has guided most enlightened people throughout their lives. But, we might ask, The Way of Oz and Loving.........................128 how does a love of “love and kindness” manifest itself in a typical social or work setting? Affection for Others, including Colleagues, Friends, and Family Members The tone of a home or workplace says a lot about whether it is a pleasant environment in which to live and work. Are colleagues, friends, and family members supportive of one another? Are criticisms of others rarely heard? Are interactions marked by gratitude, kindness, and concern? Are compliments on good work commonly extended? If the answers to such questions are positive, you have undoubtedly found an environment where kindness is a way of being. Frank Baum found such places where he lived and worked. Recall his amicable relationships with collaborators in his creative work, including the illustrator W. W. Denslow (at least during the early years of their work together ) and other creative geniuses, such as Paul Tietjens, with whom he worked on the Wizard of Oz stage production, and Louis Gottschalk, who contributed to Baum’s later stage and film productions. Baum’s positive interactions with children in settings from Aberdeen to Chicago to California were central to the development of many of his stories that became The Wonderful Wizard of Oz and other works. Unfortunately, in our personal lives and at work, all of us at times experience unkindness or meanness. What can we do? With friends and acquaintances—and even family members—a direct, though gentle approach is best. It’s always preferable to use kindness and extend the benefit of the doubt to others, using questions rather than accusations. You can counter a mean-spirited remark with something like: “Would you mind explaining that comment?” or “Your comment seemed unkind and hurtful. Did you mean it that way?” Questions like these sometimes help prevent an unnecessary con- 129.........................Loving and Other< frontation, for often a seemingly hostile comment is merely the result of an unintentional, poorly phrased, or mistaken expression. If, on the other hand, you discern true meanness, an assertion such as “I can’t believe what I have just heard, given our prior friendship” may be followed by attempts at remediation and reconciliation. The subsequent healing process may take time, but whether the conflict is resolved or not, it is important for you to move on. You should focus on meaningful friendships with colleagues, friends, and family members, reinforced by frequent (large and small) acts of kindness. Probably you’ve seen sign-offs such as “Thanks for bringing this matter to my attention. Kindly, ____________” or “You’ve handled this situation well. Kindly, ____________.” The “power of kindness”—so expressed— can be significant in forming new friendships or cementing old ones. And the expression of kindness can be reinforced by small acts of kindness. In Seattle, Washington, some companies use special coffee treats at breaks as perks. In Athens, Georgia, the president of a small biotechnology company buys specialty chocolates for her staff when she returns from business or pleasure trips. One university’s chief academic officer designed a lapel pin with the institutional logo and unit designation, signifying the camaraderie he promoted among all who worked for him. He gave these to all his associates and employees. Most wore the pins proudly because of his affection, support, and communication style. For supervisors, hosting periodic luncheons or other outings does much to boost morale and signal gratitude and kindness toward members of a unit or organization. The value of such events is enhanced when the supervisor offers remarks to highlight the accomplishments of everyone present. One supervisor of a forty-member unit takes the opportunity, following year-end retreats, to point out at least one contribution each member of the unit had made. In another work setting, a supervisor sponsors a birthday fund for everyone in his office. Such celebrations occur throughout the year, providing frequent reminders of his caring for staff members. It is important to point out that relationships in the workplace must be platonic and that supervisors need to avoid any situation that could be construed as sexual harassment. Sexual harassment is sexual discrimination, a The Way of Oz and Loving.........................130 violation of Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. The act’s provisions are enforced through the office of the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). According to the EEOC, sexual harassment involves “unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature . . . when submission to or rejection of this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual’s employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual’s work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment.” Language on the EEOC website indicates that the victim may be of either gender; the victim may be a supervisor or any other agent of the firm, institution, or organization , or a nonemployee permitted into the workplace; harassment does not have to cause economic or bodily harm; and the conduct of the harasser must be unwelcome. According to the EEOC, sexual harassment can be a quid pro quo arrangement (where exchange of favors is proposed either implicitly or explicitly ) or as a result of a hostile or abusive environment. Harassment is a serious offense if it is pervasive and severe. It can include sexual innuendos, sexually suggestive or offensive signs, graffiti, or pictures, discriminatory intimidation, insults, or ridicule. You’ve perhaps witnessed the painful results of sexual harassment. Perpetrators of sexual harassment are often, but not always, men. In sexual harassment cases where there is a power differential (the harassing of a female student by a male faculty member, for instance), victims often require professional counseling. Avoiding the appearance and substance of sexual harassment is an inviolable principle of the Way of Oz. Romantic Love There are relatively few references to romantic love in the Oz stories, but it is clear from his biography that Frank Baum was himself a romantic. One story stands out. When Baum met his future wife, Maud Gage, at a Christmas celebration on the evening of December 25, 1881, at his sister Harriet’s party, his romantic boldness was apparent. In introducing the young people, his aunt Josephine said, “Frank Baum, I want you to know Maud Gage. I’m sure you will love her.” His immediate response was “Consider yourself 131.........................Loving and Other< loved, Miss Gage.” To which Maud is purported to have replied, “Thank you, Mr. Baum. That’s a promise. Please see that you live up to it.” They were married less than a year later. Sigmund Freud (1856–1939), who coincidentally shares Baum’s birth year, began studying sexual behavior around 1900 when he published The Interpretation of Dreams, the same year as the publication of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. In this seminal work and others that would follow, Freud categorized the normal developmental sexual urges of babies and children as the Oedipus complex (the love of a male child for his mother and jealousy of his father) or Electra complex (the love of a female child for her father and jealousy of her mother). He described the importance of erogenous zones in human development and preteen latency periods that end with puberty. He was among the first to codify normal sexual drives and desires. The picture , of course, is much more complex, but any understanding of mature human intimacy must take into account normal sexual behaviors. Not long after the publication of The Psychopathology of Everyday Life in 1901, Freud was contacted by another twentieth-century giant in psychology and psychiatry, Carl Gustav Jung (1875–1961), who presented him with a copy of his own book, Studies in Word Association. They had a close personal relationship that lasted for several years until the two had a falling out, in part because of a perceived snub of Jung by Freud in 1913. The two had drifted apart because of their differing views: Freud believed in a personalized psychosexual unconscious, and Jung developed the idea of a collective unconscious of the human psyche. Jung believed in the spiritual underpinnings of human longings, including the desire for human intimacy. In the end, the Freud-Jung feud energized the emerging field of psychology that informed studies of human sexuality that took place in the decades after Freud and Jung’s fractured relationship. Human sexuality is complex and cannot be adequately covered here; however, Freud’s pioneering studies during Frank Baum’s lifetime and those of other sexuality experts up to and including the first decade of the twentyfirst century have come to the following generally accepted conclusions: •฀Sex฀is฀a฀healthy฀and฀natural฀component฀of฀humanity฀and฀human฀intimacy. •฀Sexual฀intimacy฀is฀an฀important,฀though฀complex฀phenomenon—emotion- The Way of Oz and Loving.........................132 ally, physically, and neurologically—and should be pursued primarily in mature relationships. •฀Casual฀or฀coerced฀physical฀intimacy฀is฀hurtful฀and,฀in฀most฀instances,฀illegal฀ and is certainly unethical and immoral. •฀Romance฀interlaced฀with฀intellectual,฀emotional,฀and฀physical฀intimacy฀profoundly reinforces mature relationships. Romance should be accompanied, of course, with due consideration of modern contraceptive and safe sex practices. The freedom in our contemporary society to engage in sexual relationships does not absolve anyone from taking responsibility for preventing unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Although incidences of both diminished during the 1990s, they are on the rise again in the early twenty-first century, according to studies by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. You should be aware of the necessity for safe sex but also, and perhaps even more importantly, that sexual intimacy should be guided by respect for one’s partner and oneself . This careful approach requires you to integrate scientific and ethical understanding, along with religious beliefs, which should guide your behavior , consistent with the love and kindness imperatives of the Way of Oz. The Toto Perspective Many of us think of the Cowardly Lion in the 1939 Oz film as more human than animal, in part because of Bert Lahr’s brilliant portrayal of the character . Readers of the original Oz book know that Baum treated other animals anthropomorphically, giving them the ability to speak. Later, as Baum spun the tales that became his thirteen Oz sequels, animals beyond those native to Oz take on the human power of speech as well. In fact, all animals that come to Oz, including Toto, acquire the gift of human speech. With few exceptions , the animals in Oz are endearingly human. Baum’s Cowardly Lion and other animals are the fantasy element of the Way of Oz, but they are part of the continuing spectrum of life and are worthy of love, too. In the past century biologists have found evidence of communication and reasoning among animals at several levels of the phylogenetic tree. Most people of Baum’s generation could not have imagined such capacities in animals. Contemporary science suggests that there is not a distinct dividing 133.........................Loving and Other< line between animals and human beings; instead, there is a continuum of consciousness and communication skills that demands our attention and should foster our love for our fellow creatures. We should condemn cruelty toward animals and punish offenders—though, unfortunately, this is not what happens in some US states and in many nations around the world. If we honor the “Toto perspective,” we should be dedicated to respect for and humane treatment of animals along with our obligation to teach the same to members of the younger generation. Recent US polls indicate that 80 percent or more of American households have dogs or cats. Dog owners make up 60 percent of the total number of pet owners. Other surveys and studies suggest that pet ownership and interactions with animals have several benefits for their human owners, among them improved physical and emotional health (reduced blood pressure and stress); greater understanding of the contributions of animals to our natural and cultural environment; and special help to those with developmental and physical disabilities (such as guide or seeing-eye dogs, and in therapeutic horsemanship programs). Frank Baum would be proud of our contemporary understanding of animals in the United States. The consciousness of the sustainability of our environment should include protections and concern for animals—both domesticated and wild. ...