The Cathedral Clergy: A Chronicle

Chapter 15

Chapter 15 Achilles quickly crouched down, thus positioning himself beneath the devil who had landed on him, grabbed his paws, and yanked on them so hard that the devil’s chin struck the top of the deacon’s head with a resounding crack and stayed there, stuck fast. Not expecting this turn of events, the devil began flailing about in desperation, but soon stopped when he realized that his efforts were futile and hung limply on the deacon ’s back, moaning in a muffled voice. Not only could he not break free—he could not even utter a single word because his jaw was clamped to the top of Achilles’ head as though gripped in a vice. The only movement the devil could make was to swing his legs, which, to compensate, the demon did with diabolical craftiness. Holding the devil on his back as easily as a strapping peasant carries an armful of pea vines, Achilles took a few steps backward into the cemetery, got a running start, and made a leap across the ditch, but the crafty devil took advantage of that opportunity to deftly wind his legs around the deacon’s legs while they were outstretched in midair, right when he and his captor were both directly above the ditch. Achilles, suddenly entangled, lost his balance and plunged into the cold slop along with his load. The bone-chilling cold nearly made him lose his grip and release the devil, but he mastered himself and began to look for another means of salvation. But alas! There was none: the smooth sides of the ditch were covered with an icy crust, making it impossible to scramble out without using his hands, while freeing his hands meant letting the devil escape. And Achilles did not want to do that. He tried shouting, but either no one heard him or whoever did merely locked the door more securely, thinking, “The devil’s got ahold of somebody again.” The deacon realized that he could expect no help from the intimidated populace, but he did not let go of the devil and remained shivering with him in the ditch. Both of them were numb with cold and both might have died there had they not been rescued by chance. Early that morning a caravan of sledges loaded with spirits was heading for the town pier. As they passed the cemetery, the men noticed an odd-looking group in the ditch and stopped, but when they discerned the blue face of a man along with the ugly mug of the devil, complete with horns, on top of it, they hastily began to flee. Mustering all his strength, the frozen Achilles called to the men, asked them to keep an CHAPTER 15 343 eye on the devil, then raised one arm above the ditch and made the sign of the cross. “Hey, boys, it’s a Christian!” the men cried and, after dragging the deacon and the devil out of the ditch, they stuck a piece of straw under the lid of a barrel and propped the numb Achilles up against it, threw the devil in front, and drove into town. After downing a little alcohol, the deacon shuddered and fell over in the sledge. He was in terrible shape: soaking wet, blue as could be, and shivering so hard he could scarcely breathe. The devil lay there like a frozen cabbage stalk; in that benumbed state they brought him into town, where the deacon signaled them to stop in front of the town hall. There Achilles took the devil off the sledge, had him carried into the main office, and sent for the police chief, then asked the watchman for a dry shirt and a soldier’s greatcoat, changed clothes, and lay down on the sofa where petitioners usually sat. Despite the early hour, the town was already astir, alarmed by the news, and a big crowd of people, surging like the sea at the base of a cliff, swarmed around the town hall, where Captain Porokhontsev himself lived in a state-owned apartment. People were noisily squeezing and elbowing their way up the front steps, wishing to see both the devil who had smashed the cherub and the deacon who, by capturing the devil, had performed a feat that no one had ever done before. Despite their rank and importance, the most influential individuals in the town, namely, Archpriest Gratsiansky, Father Zacharias, and Captain Poverdovnya, had difficulty forcing their way through the...