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Six Towards 'Living With' OLiving with Uncertainty IN THE FIRST chapter I referred to the doctrine of pratityasamutpada , i.e., life as a continually changing process of interacting conditions. It is a basic metaphysical doctrine about the temporality of everything that exists. An important implication of this view of reality is that everything is characterized by uncertainty. In this chapter, I wish to emphasize this view of reality in my discussion of living with changing circumstances. It contrasts with the view of 'having' a life or set of circumstances in which expectations will be satisfied as anticipated according to previous experiences. Living according to the doctrine of pratityasamutpada is expressed well in a song by Leonard Cohen: "Anthem." In his gravelly voice, he sings about the benefits of the unwelcomed and unexpected occurrences in our lives. This view is summarized in one sentence where he sings, "There is a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in." In my view, the challenge is to stay present enough to oneself to move through the cracks and come out stronger on the other side with more insight into the relatedness of oneself to the rest of the network of interacting conditions. Staying present to myself in the face of lifethreatening circumstances is confusing because when I think about who I am I experience myself as no thing with which I can identify. There are no expectations on which to rely. I live with uncertainty. It is the quality of my life that is most present in my consciousness. Living with oneself in the cracks and emerging with strength from them depends a great deal upon paying attention to the conditions that support the health of one's life system. This includes self-relatedness, connections to other people, to other species, and to the larger ground of support found in the ecosystem. Living with cracks that are life-threatening provides important opportunities for centring oneself in the reality of interdependency and changing circumstances. It significantly reduces the tendency to have a strong attachment to the image of oneself as a selfsufficient , independent person. There is a greater inclination to live in a mode of interdependent relatedness, which entails a large degree of Notes to Chapter Six are on pages 318-19. 267 268 Bodied Mindfulness uncertainty. At the same time, paradoxically, one can experience greater security in the peace that comes from letting go of self-centred importance . Life-threatening experiences provide an opportunity to shift from self-centredness to a centredness of the self. As I discussed in Chapter One, the latter kind of centredness emerges in the context of relatedness. This kind of subjective and intersubjective energy allows for increased receptivity and responsiveness within the life system as a whole. The experience of one's integrity in relation to connective energy that allows for the life system to move toward living more comfortably with continual uncertainty is sometimes felt as grace. An example of living gracefully with uncertainty is found in a particular Tai Chi movement that I was taught recently. It resembles the movement of a large bird landing on a branch. When the bird lands it places one foot gently on the branch to determine whether it is stable. If it is, the bird gradually increases the weight on the foot until it rests easily on the branch. The bird's security comes from balance. In Tai Chi, the practitioner places one foot gently in front, with the heel touching the floor softly. The weight remains on the back foot that rests directly underneath the person's body. After feeling the security of the floor with the front foot, the person shifts the body weight forward from the back to the front foot. The hands are moved gracefully in various patterns that coincide with the shifting weight of the feet from back to front. There is a strong emphasis on bodied mindfulness in this practice. The purpose is to find one's balance in a context of constant movement. The challenge is to do it with grace. In my situation, Tai Chi is a concrete way to become mindful of what I am living with and to maintain some level of balance within a context of radical uncertainty. When uncertainty about one's own existence is lived with it can be experienced as a crack that allows in light with respect to the tenuous nature of all existence. This is especially true with regard to the ecosystem...

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