Nothing to Lose

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218 sacrifices.And now this.I hope you don’t call back.And when and if you do, I’ll hope that you’ll forgive me when I hang up on you.” “I’ll be at Amber’s play because I promised her I would. I want to see her be a pumpkin. And maybe sometime, after some time, I could talk to Amber.” “No, don’t do that,” she said. “Stay away from us.” Rachel, more than me, had the courage and the clarity of mind to end on a dramatic note rather than letting the discussion get even sloppier. She went back into Nothing To Lose, and then, no doubt, through the front door. I stayed outside and tried to breathe the rain into my clogged sinuses. The cool weather promised a winter. In the middle of winter, when everyone in Southeast Texas was just grateful that it wasn’t summer, as always, I would be wary of the approaching summer, because I remembered the last one.In the midst of August,in the most unbearable oppressive humidity that just stole your breath, I would look forward to winter. But that early fall night, I looked up and saw the black rain clouds behind the swaying pines in the gray rain. There were things to feel here, to enjoy. In a day or two, my allergies would be gone, and I’d be breathing easy through a clear nose and with healed ribs while I jogged down my canal. Maybe Emily Nguyen would be waiting for me when I finished, with some Krispy Kreme doughnuts and a cup of coffee. We’d talk about how the Hudsons used the way the world was to get away with a murder. Maybe Emily would have a new case. When I turned to go inside, the back door was open and Lee was standing in its frame.“I kind of overheard what you said,”she said.“But I’ve got to disagree. I think you’re just what that little girl needs. I think you’d be a fine daddy.” She seemed to soothe me just with her gaze. “I sure want to see Amber’s performance as a pumpkin,” I said. Lee turned her dancer’s smile,her grace,and her charm on for me.For a moment, she was my girl. “Let’s go back to your friends in the bar,” Lee said. “You know, we drink too much; we’re trashy; we’re welfare mothers; we’re irresponsible; we’re pregnant teenagers; we heed our incessant hormones instead of listening to our good sense; we blew our best ...