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Chapter 12: CQ
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Twelve CQ Com~ on moth~rs, throughout th~ land, Pack your boys offto Vi~t Nam. - "/ Feel Lik~ I'm Fixin' to Di~ &g" -CountryJo~ and th~ Fish thought Granddad's health was going before I left Texas. Chasing those cows wore him out. He sat in the back yard in the old metal chair he kept out there. but he didn't whittle or anything, just sat and looked up at the sky. 1 was worried about him, but the dread of having to return to Benning concentrated my thoughts. Mother was worried about him too. I could see her standing in the kitchen, looking Out at him sitting there staring. Sitting in the den, I could hear her softly singing "Onward Christian Soldiers,~ one of her favorite hymns. I noticed that she suddenly stopped singing, so I walked into the kitchen, and she told me she was prnying for him. Then she turned to me and said, "I'm praying for you too, Jeff. I know you're facing a hard road ahead, and 1 hope you make the right choices." "I don't know, Mother. 1 don't think I'm going to have any choices. I just follow orders, Ma'am." "You always have choices, Son. It may not always seem like it, but there are always choices. You just have to know how to make the right ones. I've always looked to scripture to help me, and I've hoped you'd look there too. It disappoints me deeply that you don't want to try to listen to the Lord now, but I take some consolation from knowing that I've tried to teach you to do and think right all your life, and I hope that one day you'll look into your heart and find those teachings there." I knew that she was trying to be helpful, and I knew too that she thought her way could provide me some comfort. But when my father was sick while I was young, I prayed for him (0 recover. When he died, my eleven~year~old mind held it against my mother's god. My granddad had been there for me through it all, and now he Sa[ Out back. As much as I wanted to help, my thoughts had to focus on the return (0 Benning. The return trip was like a bad movie run backwards as I retraccd my route from Love Field in Dallas to Atlanta and another bus to Columbus. The atmosphere at 58th Company was like the first day quadrupled, bccause the first week back was the beginning of our seventh week, which meant the first week that all of those who had chosen or been forced to drop Out could physically move out of (he barracks to Casual Company. The ones with mcntal or physical ailments had already gone, but most of the others like Ferona, who had moved into a pan of the barracks set aside for the dropouts who had to finish Infantry training, now came back from the break just to pack up their gear and move across the strecL It didn't surprise me too much that some guys who had seemed to be making it okay chose to drop out once they came back. Living on the outside made it toO hard to think about eighteen more weeks of harassment. rsaw Hays getting his things together and was surprised, figuring that he was going (0 have to be forced (0 drop instead of choosing to. But he must have realized he'd never make it, and r felt guilty when I saw him hauling his duffel bag down to the lineup fat [he dropouts in [he company area. Before long, the massacre at My Lai had a direct impact on OCS, but it wasn't clear at firsL The monthly training schedules for each company were set in advance. Most recruits didn't have any idea of what was sup~ posed to happen twO, three or, four weeks ahead, but each one got a new weekly training schedule on Friday night for the events beginning the next Monday. The monthly schedule was available in the CO's office, posted behind the first sergeant's door. I discovered it when I pulled CQ dury. h was a quiet time to spend alone sitting in the top sergeant's chair, reading, writing , napping (if you could risk it), and making occasional fire watch checks of...