Killing Cynthia Ann

5 Ceremonies

• Ceremonies I n a white woman's frock Isaac had forced on her, Naudah sat on the porch and waited. Waited for nothing. The emptiness in her ached. Except for her images of Peta Nocona, Quanah, and Pecos, her mind had gone blank; she yearned for the others, the grandmothers, the adopted sisters, the elders of tahuh nuhrmuhrne , OUT People. Her sorrows had dried the milk in her breasts; so Toh-Tsee-Ah no longer came to cuddle and fondle."It's about time that child was weaned, fer pity's sake," said Bess Parker. "How old is she, anyway? Over two, ain't she? Maybe two-and-a-half?" Naudah did not look up from the floor, partly because she did not understand the English, though, in spite of herself, she was grasping more of the language. "Why are you doing these things to me," she asked in Comanche. "If you love me, why are you doing these things?" "You'll have to speak English for me to understand," said Bess. Anna had coaxed Toh-Tsee-Ah to sit with her on the step. She had a book with pictures in it. She was pointing to the pages and saying the names of the animals there. "Dog," she would say, and Toh-Tsee-Ah would repeat, "Dog." 52 Sitting with Anna and reading, Toh-Tsee-Ah had learned more English than Naudah. Toh-Tsee-Ah knew many of the names of their foods, now, so she could ask for more than bread, butter and jam. "I'll swear, Cynthia Ann," said Bess, "you've got to do something more than just sit here like a turnip. You'll just dry up." She called Isaac and had him ask Cynthia Ann in his halting Spanish if she would help prepare the food in the kitchen. He touched her forearm and lifted her chin to get her attention. Naudah nodded and went with Bess. "Would you wash and scrape these carrots?" Bess asked. But Naudah did not react. Bess dipped water from the cistern bucket and poured it into a basin. She took a small brush and swished at a carrot. "Wash," she said. Naudah nodded. "Wash," she repeated. "Carrot," said Bess, holding the vegetable up. "Crut," repeated Naudah. Bess took a dull knife and scraped away the outer skin of the carrot. "Scrape," she said, and Naudah repeated. "Good," said Bess, pleased that she had gotten some response. "Now, these carrots"-she pointed to the pile of dirty carrots- "wash"-she made the motions in the basin-"and scrape"-she made other motions and pointed to the cleaned carrot. Naudah nodded and set to work. She worked rapidly, studiously, absorbed in having something to do. She understood cleaning away the dirt particles, because the carrots had been stored in moist sand trays in the root cellar to keep them crisp over the winter, and the dirt made the stew gritty. These carrots were not much different from some of the roots they ate on the high plains. She saw herself, scooping out a hollow in the ground and lining it with a buffalo paunch before pouring in the water, meat and roots. Then with forked sticks, she would drop dean, hot stones into the stew, making the water boil. Peta Nocona would comment on the good smell. Pecos would be siuing, watching his chance to sneak a morsel out ofthe paunch with his buffalo-hom spoon even before the stew was cooked. She would let him, then complain about his behavior. 53 Nocona would snort that she was the one teaching him such wild habits by letting him get away with it. Quanah would nod, waiting with his spoon. Toh-Tsee-Ah, still in her belly, would kick, as if agreeing with Quanah. Naudah finished scraping the carrots and stood, staring at the nothing that was outside the window. "Wonderful!" Bess exclaimed at Naudah's shoulder. "Thank you, Cynthia Ann. That was wonderful!" Naudah slipped the knife into her pocket, then turned and walked out onto the porch again. Why did everything remind her of those she had lost? And each time, she was left even emptier than before. How much, how long, how empty could they make her? She slumped in the rocker and stared at the nothing on the porch floor. She needed a good eagle doctor. The Spirit of the whites was creeping in and...