Dolly and Zane Grey: Letters from a Marriage

Chapter 11 The Female of the Species

At t h e s t r o k e o f m i d n i g h t , Dolly wrote to Zane. Altadena ( H E R E D E C . 3 1 S T, 1 9 2 3 ) ( I N N . Y. , J A N . 1 , 1 9 2 4 ) Dearest, Funny, isn’t it, to be living in two years. My physical self is here, but of course my mental or spiritual self has been spending the last hour or so with you; and your telegram assured me you’d be alone at midnight to wish me a happy new year. Were you awake or were you having one of those dreams about me? At exactly nine here which was twelve in N.Y. I had my eyes shut, and the tears (not of unhappiness but emotions engendered by the depth of my love for you) were oozing through my eyelids a bit; and then what do you think I heard? The tremendous diapason of sound which means the birth of a new year in the greatest city in the world. The most wonderful sound on earth, I think, for it carries and conveys all the pinnacles and depths of human experience and emotion, and all that re-echoes in me when I hear it. I wondered whether I seemed to be hearing it because it was smiting your ear. We had a warm pleasant evening around our fireplace while the rain poured down outside—a sound that always enhances the comfort of indoors. I don’t feel so forsaken and lonely tonight as I usually do on New Year’s Eve { 203 } c h a p t e r 1 1 The Female of the Species 1924–1925 when you’re away. I think it is because you’re not with someone else, and perhaps because I have reached the conviction that your love for me is really a thing apart—that no other relations you had could ever touch or degrade—as mine is for you. I mean sort of infallible to outside influence—but the strongest, most permanent and dominating influence in both our lives. Is it that to you? Well, beloved, in spite of the warmth of my emotion, my nose and toes are icy—and I don’t just relish crawling into that cold damp bed without you. But sleep is wonderful. Last night I dreamed a thrilling romance of which I was the heroine. You’re my one and only and I’m your only Wife Despite his infidelities, distance, and misunderstanding, Dolly remained loyal to him. She endured his constant wandering in the world and in matters of the heart and rose above it, distancing herself from the torment as best she could. She was no longer young, and the years of strain and three babies had changed her appearance. She was now a business partner, mentor , advisor, and comforter rather than a wife in a traditional sense, even advising him how to handle his troubles with women. But she still had deep emotions and fought fiercely to maintain her place with her husband, first and separate from all others. Zane, in turn, placed her on an ever higher pedestal, even while he continued his dalliances with her rivals. Since the summer of 1917 Dorothy had been closer to Zane than the others only to be deposed by Louise. Dorothy had not born that rejection well. Now Zane told her that even with Louise gone they were not to resume the old relationship. Mildred had taken her place. J A N U A R Y 7 , 1 9 2 4 My Dearest, Yesterday I met Dot at 9:30 and was with her until 4 o’clock. I expected it to be another ordeal. But it was not. Dot looked fine. She was well, cheerful, and had a good hold on herself. She had changed, somehow, and reminded me of how she used to be years ago. She has been having a good time, mostly with Fergy, Laverne, and Mick. Mick’s engagement was broken last summer, c a l i f o r n i a { 204 } and he seems a different man. I sort of gathered from Dot that the old friendship had been renewed. Dot told me that something you said or did the last day at Altadena gave her the spirit...