Three Comedies: Behind the Scenes in Eden, Rigmaroles, and The Other William

Behind the Scenes in Eden

A Farce inTwo Acts by Jaime Salom Translated by Marion Peter Holt Behind the Scenes in Eden (HISTORIAS ÍNTIMAS DEL PARAÍSO) Characters ANGEL ADAM LILI EVE Act I SCENE 1 A lush, leafy corner of Eden.The Angel, dressed very conservatively in a black coat and pinstriped trousers, resembles a hotel manager. He is saying goodbye to someone who has just climbed into a helicopter, as if the machine were taking off from the orchestra of the theater. ANGEL: Goodbye, have a good trip, congratulations! It’s gorgeous! A masterpiece . Best of luck! (The noise of the motor grows louder, forcing him to shout and wave his arms.) Masterpiece! I said it’s a masterpiece! The finest you’ve created to date, truly the finest. I said it’s the finest! And thank you, thank you very much for the trust you’ve shown me, assigning me to this post.Thank you! No! Nothing! Thank youuuuu! And have a good weekend, Lord. Goodbye. Goodbyeeee! (A lot of wind, and the noise of the motor fades away. Angel goes on waving. Suddenly all is silence, and he stands alone, at a loss.) Now what? This is all very comfortable. He’s always building, creating, dabbling with clay. . . . I have to admit it turned out quite well.Very pretty, everything in place. But who’s going to take charge of conservation and maintenance?You can turn things out on the assembly line, but then who’s to keep them running?While He’s up there having a divine rest, I’m down here with all the responsibilities. And I don’t even know the names of all these things. (He puts on a pair of reading glasses and picks up one of the books.) Let’s see what he calls the place . . .“parachute,”“parade,”“paradise.”That’s it, paradise. I’m the District Manager of Paradise. Not as boring as the Office of Statistics and Records, I suppose. I had my fill of that. So, foolish me, I applied for this job, but . . . Hey, you.Whatever you’re called . . . you! Damn it. (He consults the book again.) “Mammary,”“mammal. . . .”All these B E H I N D T H E S C E N E S I N E D E N 46 technical terms! Ah, here it is . . .“man.” I mustn’t forget. Man. Hey, you, man. Come over here! ADAM: (Entering, wearing only faded jeans and a T-shirt.)You mean me? ANGEL:Who else?You’re the only one around. ADAM: But you called me a funny name. ANGEL:“Man.” I called you “man.” Let’s see if you can learn the word.You have to keep up with the nomenclature.You can call me Angel. ADAM:Angel. I’ll try to remember. ANGEL:I’m actually an archangel,but since there’re just the two of us around,we might as well dispense with formality. ADAM: So, what can I do for you, Mr.Angel? ANGEL: Just relax. Don’t confuse me with a lot of questions. (Pause.Adam looks at him with utter calm.Angel is ill at ease.) I suppose you don’t know anything about all this, do you? ADAM: I just arrived. ANGEL: So you did . . . ADAM: I thought you were the one who was supposed to have all the facts. ANGEL: Of course.That’s why I’m here.To give you the facts. ADAM: I’m glad of that. I feel so out of it. (Another pause.)What do you call that? ANGEL: What? ADAM:That long stick with green hair. (He points to a tree.) ANGEL:Well . . . (Reacting.) Please, you can’t learn everything at once. One thing at a time. Don’t be impatient. Besides, the “stick” with green hair doesn’t concern you. ADAM: I just wanted to know . . . out of curiosity. ANGEL:Well, wait a moment. . . . (He leafs through the book again.) ADAM: It caught my eye. . . . It’s so . . . so . . . B E H I N D T H E S C E N E S I N E D E N 47 ANGEL: (Still searching.) So what? ADAM: So dreamy. ANGEL:What are you talking about? ADAM:The green hair. ANGEL:Will you forget about the confounded hair? Once you get an idea in your head . . . I forbid you to talk about hair again. Understood? ADAM: Understood, Mr. Angel. ANGEL: (Finding what he was...