Consolation: The Spiritual Journey Beyond Grief

Notes

319 Notes Chapter 1 4 “The catastrophe is not de Saint-Exupéry, Antoine. The Little Prince. Harcourt, 2000. 4 In Albert Camus’s graphic words Camus, Albert. The Fall. Vintage Books, 1991. 4 They come and go fitfully Singh, Kathleen Dowling. The Grace in Dying: How We Are Transformed Spiritually As We Die. HarperSanFransisco, 2000. 4 “Midnight. No waves Dogen Zenji, founder of Soto-Zen. Babylonian Talmud, Shabbat 106a; Midrash Ruth Rabbah 2,8. 7 “Light grief Hercules Forens, Jerusalem Talmud, Mo’ed Katan, Chapter 3, Halakhah 7. 7 Va’yidom—nothing moved See Mikra’ot Gedolot. Rashi, on the other hand, thinks it is a matter of Aaron’s strong will, and an aggadah therefore states that he will be rewarded. Apparently, Rashbam does not believe Aaron’s will, no matter how strong, could still an emotional convulsion. 8 Outside the mourners’ gate Pirkei d’Rabbi Eliezer 17, quoted in Beit Yosef to Tur Yoreh De’ah, 378, 10; see also Babylonian Talmud , Soferim 19 (end). 8 “The holiest attribute de Unamuno, Miguel. The Tragic Sense of Life. Dover Publications, 1954. Rabbi Mordecai Jaffe, Levush Ateret Zahav, to Tur Yoreh De’ah 378. 8 “Le seul bien de Musset, Alfred. “Tristesse.” Poésies Nouvelles. 1850. 320
Notes 8 “With my tears John Welch, “The Puppet” (often attributed to Gabriel García Márquez). 9 “Everything nailed down Hudson, W.H. Green Mansions. Reprint edition. Oxford University Press, 1998. 11 Grudges sometimes begin here Curiously, such disagreements suffer from the very irreversibility of death itself. Everything surrounding this tragic moment seems to be set in concrete, partaking of the quality of this moment. And many attempts at reconciliation break down because though the aggrieved may be prepared to forgive, the accused is not prepared to be forgiven. 13 “The deep pain Schopenhauer, Arthur. “Psychological Remarks .” Parerga und Paralipomena. Edited by E.F.J. Payne. Oxford University Press, 2001. Chapter 2 18 While the roots Cassel, Erich. Nature of Suffering and the Goals of Medicine. Reprint edition. Oxford University Press, 1991. 18 The great scholar Oral Transmission. 19 Ancient sources For the theme of desiring and acting out one’s own death through ritual, see Emanuel Feldman, “Death as Estrangement : The Halakhah of Mourning.” Judaism, 21 (Winter, 1972). 19 “If one in a group Jerusalem Talmud, Shabbat 110 19 “To a stone arch Mishnah Mo’ed Katan (end). 19 It is called seudat havra’ah Mishnah Mo’ed Katan 3:7 20 For a full year Yoreh De’ah 94:3. 21 In T.S. Eliot’s Eliot, T.S. Four Quartets, third quartet, part v. 23 So profound and universal Mo’ed Katan 22; Shachter, Hershel. Nefesh Ha’rav. Reishis Yerushalayim, 1994. Notes
321 25 In fact, Victor Frankl Frankl, Victor. Man’s Search for Meaning. Touchstone Books, 1984. 26 In mourning, as P.N. Furbank writes cited by P.N. Furbank, “Unenlightenment: A Review of Building a Bridge to the 18th Century: How the Past Can Improve Our Future by Neil Postman.” The New Republic (November 29,1999). 26 And there is the custom Shibbolei ha’Leket, Semachot, #23. Chapter 3 33 Mourning is especially traumatic Beyond the Innocence of Childhood . Edited by David W. Adams and Eleanor J. Deveau. Baywood Publishing Co., Inc., 1995. 34 Only in childhood Erna Furman, cited by Neil Chethik in FatherLoss (Hyperion Books, 2001). 34 Sociologist Lynn Davidman writes, Davidman, Lynn. Motherloss. University of California Press, April 2000. 36 A very important goal See James Fogarty, The Magical Thoughts of Grieving Children. Baywood Publishing Co., Inc., 2000. 36 A recent study Conducted by Columbia University and New York University, 1999. 36 The profoundly sad moments Jonathan Vos Post cited this anonymous classic poem in Family Dynamics and the Chicago Institute for Psychoanalysis (Emerald City Publishing, 1995). 38 Psychologists often observe “Marital conflict had produced anger, and perhaps, desire for escape, but coexisting with these feelings were continued attachment to the other and even, perhaps, affection . Anger interfered with grieving, and only with the passage of time did persisting need for the lost spouse emerge.” Institute of Medicine. Bereavement: Reactions, Consequences, and Care. Edited by M. Osterweis, F. Solomon, and M. Green. National Academy Press, 1984. 322
Notes Chapter 4 45 Shakespeare’s “dark backward Shakespeare, William. The Tempest . Reprint edition. Edited by Stephen Orgel. Oxford University Press, 1998. 45 To appreciate the Jewish tradition In addition to being a central...