Why Do They Kill?: Men Who Murder Their Intimate Partners

7. Patterns of Possession and Punishment

163 7 | Patterns of Possession and Punishment Victims and perpetrators often have opposing perceptions about violence and control. For the most part, abusers minimize their violence and disavow any intent to control their partners. Compared to other abusers, it appears that severe abusers are even more likely to do so. The killers I interviewed admitted far less violence than those I regularly counsel in a batterer treatment program. Is this because they are less violent? Or is it that they have more to hide? Judging from the evidence, the latter explanation is far more likely. Less than one-tenth of the killers admitted making any death threats prior to the murder, and only one-third admitted any past acts of violence towards the deceased. A more accurate picture emerges from their past police reports and criminal records. From these sources of information, there is strong evidence that nearly all the killers had committed past physical and verbal assaults toward the women they murdered. Further clues to the killers’ violence were provided by information about their relationships with prior partners. Some of this information was contained in past domestic violence incident reports by police. More detailed information was obtained by conducting a relationship history with each killer. In my work with men who batter, I’d conducted hundreds of such histories. I’ve found that men often unwittingly reveal much information about past abusive or controlling behavior when asked such questions as, “How did you meet this ex-partner?” “What first attracted you to her?” “What did you argue about?” “What were her biggest complaints about you?” and “How did the relationship end?” From the men’s responses to these questions, strong patterns emerge of how they begin, maintain, and end relationships. These patterns include short courtships, social isolation, jealousy and posses- 164 | Why Do They Kill? siveness, infidelity and overlapping relationships with women, financial control or exploitation of women, and relationships that revolve around substance use and/or sex. From such histories, it often emerges that the men’s controlling and abusive behaviors toward their partners tended to escalate over time. In this sense, many abusive men are serial batterers. Further evidence for this was provided by the Massachusetts Department of Probation, which investigated civil restraining orders taken out against men and women in Massachusetts in 1992. Over 85% of these defendants were male.1 The department tracked the records of the 730 defendants for a six-year period ending in 1998 in order to determine whether they had been served with additional protective orders. They found that almost one-quarter of the defendants were serial batterers. A serial batterer was defined as someone who had been the recipient of a protective order taken out by at least two different intimate partners. Serial batterers had as many as eight different victims over the six-year period. Compared to the other batterers, serial batterers were more likely to have a prior criminal record (91% compared to 68%) and to have a history of alcohol or drug use (60% compared to 36%). Serial batterers were also found to be younger than “nonserial batterers.” The term “serial batterer” is somewhat misleading in that it is sometimes confused with “repeat batterers.” The Massachusetts Department of Probation’s study was not intended as a measure of recidivism—only of the issuance of additional protective orders to new victims. Many batterers re-offend without having a new protective order taken out against them. It is generally acknowledged that only a fraction of batterers have protective orders issued against them. Also, most recidivists would not have qualified as “serial batterers” simply because they stayed with the same victim during the designated tracking period, which in this case was six years. With a longer tracking period, say of twenty years, a much higher proportion of abusers would undoubtedly qualify. Just over one-third of the killers admitted violence in relationships that preceded their involvement with the woman they murdered. However, only three men (10% of the total) had been convicted for such violence. One man had been arrested for stalking two different women. Another was still on probation for violating the restraining order of his ex-wife when he killed his next partner. A third killer had been convicted for raping his Patterns of Possession and Punishment | 165 former partner’s daughter. Though never prosecuted for these crimes, a fourth man had punched and threatened to...